I believe "is returning" would be the correct way to say it in this context. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but saying "Queen Amidala, now serving as Senator of Naboo, returns to Coruscant to vote..." doesn't sound right. I can change it if you don't like it TM.
This is what it looks like with "returns:"
Whether or not Senator should be capatalized depends on what the title means, I guess. I capatalized it because I was making it an important title, akin to her royal title. If a queen is going to become a senator, I don't think she is just going to be a "senator," she is going to be THE "Senator." So, when you read it in the crawl, calling her a senator is almost the same as calling her the queen. It's open to interpretation. Again, I'll do it whatever way you want.
I do have one other suggestion. You may want to drop the word "critical" from the last paragraph. If you drop it and "Padme," then it would look like this:
A little tighter and more concise. I think it is implied between the final two paragraphs that the issue is important. Not really necessary to say it, but it's up to you.
Hal 9000 - I should be able to help you out. Right now, I am doing this for Trooperman and I may be doing another for klokwerk soon as well. But, depending on what my work schedule is like next week, and when I finish refining my receding Star Wars, I may have time to do it early next week. Let me know exactly what you need.