1. Could you add the word "star" in front of "systems" in the 1st paragraph?
2. Could you add the word "the" in front of "senator" in the last paragraph?
These little changes may help the spacing a great deal. Basically, the word "star" should allow you to bump "to" down to the next line and then the 1st paragraph will look great. 2nd paragraph is great as is, 3rd paragraph- only line that looks weird is "critical issue of creating". I'm pretty sure that the extra word will help you change that.
New color looks perfect! And if you wouldn't mind, a shot of "Star Wars" receding into the background would be of great help, although I could try and do it myself if you weren't able to.
And I insist- your name goes in the credits, because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have a film title, crawl, pan down, nothing- you've created the whole opening to the film. Thanks again!