I feel like ‘Receiving an order for all troops to block 24’ might be too specific, and people might wonder how she was able to relay that order in front of Finn and Han. I do think something like ‘A panic alarm was activated in block 24!”
or “panic button triggered in block 24” makes it clearer what Phasma did, and we don’t have to see her do it.

That Falcon approach idea is really interesting! It does seem a little challenging to implement though.
Obviously you would need various effects for existing shots that I think you‘re capable of doing. The biggest thing though would be to create brand new CG shots that blend well with the rest. Plus, making it clear what they’re doing without any exposition.

You would definitely need to clearly visualize the perimeter of the shield around the beam. Also, if there is an opening that the Falcon can fit through, it does beg the question why the X-Wings couldn’t also fit through it instead of bothering to disable the shield.

Also, the “if we get any higher they’ll see us!” might be confusing because of their downward orientation. Though it might just be the way I’m imagining it.