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Post #1284679

Author
nightstalkerpoet
Parent topic
Star Wars Episode I: Cloak Of Deception (Released)
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1284679/action/topic#1284679
Date created
9-Jun-2019, 11:48 PM

V6 - absolutely outstanding. I felt like I was watching the same movie… But enjoying it 😱

Based on your stated goals, here are my thoughts/criticisms to perfect my now go to version. 😉

Add some of the battle droids weird dying noises to all battles where they appear. They are too silent in the initial Jedi fight.

Cut “Again, you come before us, your highness”. It contradicts that contacting them is a sign of getting results.

Maybe after the queen says “The Federation wouldn’t dare go that far.” Put in the last part of Panaka’s line “They’d be finished.” Here you’ve cut excessive legalese, but I think that tiny part will add to the scene.

Put a small shot of jar jar antics back in Anakin/Padme meeting. Against general film practice not to, and was literally the only point it felt like an edit.

When Maul sends out his probes, cut the first shot earlier before they appear 3D near the screen. Doesn’t feel OT in the way you’ve made everything else feel OT.

Remove the the line about “I didn’t actually come here to free slaves”. We’ve already established this at dinner, and it’s kind of harsh for his character. Plus, he’s clearly taken an interest so saying that is irrelevant. Her final reaction shot works just as well after “I don’t know…”

Cut the shot of Qui-Gonn saying good luck right after he says “May the force be with you.”, before he caresses Anakin’s head.
Crop the part of the shot of Anakin putting his helmet on so it looks like a new shot.

Change Jabba’s subtitles from “Welcome.” To “Welcome to Boonta Eve”. It far better matches what he says, using Return of the Jedi to judge the length of a sentence in Huttese vs English.
I always interpreted Anakin saying “(on) Boonta Eve” to be referring to racing ON that specific track, and prefer that to it being a holiday.

Maybe show the shot of the bullets hitting Anakin’s pod as if on the tablet the group is watching. Then reinsert the announcers saying the line about the tusken raiders. The spectators wouldn’t have a view of them on the ridge.

Replace the cries of agony from the Droid sucked through the pod turbine with droid dying sounds for consistency.

Swap Padme saying “Look, Here he comes.” She was super stressed earlier, her delivery is too positive. Use the Shot of Jar Jar from later saying “Here he comes” and being excited.
Padme was far more likely to be positive with Anakin close on Sebulbas tail after catching up, which seemed impossible.

I’d take out 3PO vision as Anakin says goodbye. Move the lines he says to the shot of 3POs face. Remove “I’m going to miss working on you.” to make it fit.

After Qui-Gonn cuts the probe droid, cut straight to the shot of Darth Maul walking to his ship. It seems he’d have a way to monitor them without them reporting (or just have felt with the force), and is coming because he saw/felt Qui-Gonn cut it down.

Anakins “Hi” is awkward meeting Obi-Wan. I’d stick to “You’re a Jedi too, nice to meet you.”

I’d leave in an oops for when Anakin launches the ship. Showing a little guilt at disobeying.

After Obi-Wan goes at Maul with QG down, show the first few strikes then jump straight to the closeup shot. The beginning looks far too choreographed.

Great job, getting better every release!