I just watched it and have to admit that I thought the first paragraph was a little boring. The rest was fine.

For the first paragraph, I would suggest something like:

“The Republic is under
attack. The never-ending
CLONE WARS are raging.
Chaos rose from the soil
of War. The Force is
imbalanced.”

Just a little bit more epic and less descriptive and informative to start it all off 😉

And maybe you could remove the “desperate” from the last paragraph to imply that the Separatist are not at the edge of losing the war to give the first part of the movie a more menacing tone and tension, making Anakins turn a bit more reasonable.