Once Qui-Gon says, “I must speak to the Jedi Council immediately. The situation has become much more complicated,” cut to the Jedi Temple establishing shot. It is unnecessary for Palpatine to blatantly manipulate Padmé to propose a vote of no confidence; he subtly manipulates Padmé in the Senate scene later. Arguably, Palpatine’s reliance on blatant manipulation weakens his character, which would be stronger if he could manipulate Padmé into proposing the vote without directly suggesting it.
Hmmm. I hadn’t thought about this before. Are you suggesting cutting the entire scene? You would loose some info like setting up the republic (“is not what it once was”) and the senate (“full of greedy squabbling delegates”) that I think is necessary.
Cut “Without the Viceroy, they will be lost and confused” because it would be more accurate to say “Without the droid control ship, they will be lost and confused.”
Padmé should still mention the droid control ship in her plan because the whole military strategy revolves around it. I would recommend recutting the scene like so:
PADMÉ: We can enter the city using the secret passage on the waterfall side. Then we can enter the palace and capture the Viceroy.
QUI-GON: The Viceroy will be well-guarded.
PADMÉ: We have a plan which should immobilize the droid army. We will send what pilots we have to knock out the droid control ship orbiting the planet.”This clarifies that capturing the Viceroy is the goal, but destroying the droid control ship is the requirement necessary to achieve that goal.
Hmm…what if the lines could be tweaked further to something like:
PADME: We will send what pilots we have to knock out the droid control ship…which should immobilize the droid army.
Her line “We have a plan” is so awkward and dull sounding…plus this makes it more condensed and to-the-point.