What was said above. The updated version doesn’t work, I felt lost almost immediately.
You should respect the original timing and reveals.
You do have some freedom regarding composition and speed I think.
It could work with the Tantive coming from below the camera perhaps a little slower, and then have the camera move down to reveal the Star Destroyer passing above. Make both ships closer and add more damage effects and more firing.
As always, just an opinion, it’s your show 😃