That is a serendipitous coincidence that the dream could fit there. I do think this version is pretty vague to work as-is. I think people might be confused and not immediately realize it is a dream.

It’s a challenge. To play devil’s advocate (like I have been doing to you a lot lately! Sorry if it is becoming annoying!), I think the more that is added, the more you’re spacing out the climax from the end of the film, and I think ending would work better if we were moving more briskly from Starkiller blowing up, to the Resistance Base, to the ending. On the other hand, it might work for your version though since you’re cutting the Jedi Steps (at least physically).