Huh, I didn’t notice it in your first version, but that little “Force” sound you added when Han grabs the saber really helps sell it.
You can kinda still hear the background music in one of Leia’s lines, and it’d be nice if that “too much Vader” line could fade out more.
Definitely something to clean up.
A few other things, it looks kinda weird to me how he opens his mouth. I guess it is meant to be like he is about to say something, but I might cut that a little shorter, because it feels slightly jarring to me. Maybe don’t have his mouth open so wide? Not really sure.
I struggled with this quite a bit. Cutting earlier felt weird since he isn’t too outwardly emotional, but as you say it’s weird anyway.
Also, I can think there should be a lot more space between the “Vader” line and Kylo stabbing him. I’m guessing it is meant to be like Kylo’s instant reaction, but I kind of think it would be nice to keep a little bit of that tension the original had, where we are just sitting there waiting for the worst to happen. So maybe a less of a gap between Han’s two lines. Let them be a little closer together. I also think you shouldn’t use that shot of their hands tightening on the saber until after the light disappears and Kylo starts doubting Han. Because from what I understand, what he first hears about Leia is positive, but then when he hears Han’s words, it is negative, so maybe after he hears Han’s first lines (or both) then you can cut to that shot. Just my two cents though. The way you have done the room darkening looks really good too by the way!
Thanks, I can certainly put the saber tightening shot later and see if that works, the main reason it’s there is because it keeps the focus on Kylo instead of cutting away to the sun.