I’m struggling to give very constructive feedback on this scene. I like the idea of it, but I’m still not 100% sold on it being able to work though.
Something I noticed you didn’t use in this version is Unkar Plutt dialogue. I didn’t like it at first, but I get why you used it, especially after going back to the Rey interrogation scene.
“You’re so lonely. At night, desperate to sleep.”
I think you could have a hard cut transition from the Poe interrogation scene to BB-8 outside Rey’s house. Then go into the AT-AT, to the various interior shots and hear echoes of Plutt that she’s imagining, but possibly also some alien jibberish like you suggested, like Teedo, maybe the junk cleaning alien, etc., but you can overlap them to the point that they’re really overwhelming to Rey and us, and then a hard black. Relief. After a beat, fade back onto a peaceful shot of the island.
I also feel this part really needs to feel more dreamy. The imagery could be quicker, more vague, weirder. I’m not sure. Maybe have just a few random shots of the island before you get to the foggy tree shot. I also kind of like using the shot of it panning to Luke in the threshold of the tree, but maybe you could speed up, and cut “Who are you?” line, and just as we get a glimpse of the figure, it hard cuts back to the ext. shot of the AT-AT. Almost like that figure made Rey wake up from the dream, and us too. Maybe a music swell could emphasize that quickly.
I also wonder if you could try it without the Jedi Steps, or possibly make the Jedi Steps a little less discernible, if that makes sense. Slow it down, possibly? It’d also be interesting if you could use the music from the point when she gets to the tree in TLJ. Although, it’d also be kind of be cool if it was just ambient sound, and then we could hear the Force whispers that she hears before she gets to the tree. If she had heard the whispers in her dreams, it would also help explain why she falls to her knees in surprise when she hears them again on Ach-To. It would also give the vibe that the Force is literally calling her to the island, to the tree. Maybe the whispers could be slowed down too if needed.
It is hard to say what really works for a dream sequence in Star Wars, since the only one we’ve really had is Anakin’s dream-vision of Padmé in Revenge of the Sith.
I do have to say I also think the digital zoom on the wide shot of the tree is a little too noticeable as well, I don’t know if that can be adjusted at all.
Also, not related to the dream, but I wonder if you could try quicker cuts for the Starkiller vision shots used in the interrogation, maybe matching closer in length to the later BB-8 map shots, at the longest. If the shots were quicker, more subliminal, I think the would have more of an impact, with quick intense spikes in the sound, with the crowd roar, the charge, the explosion, etc.
I also would suggest toning the music down a little because it is hard to hear Poe say “the Resistance will not be intimidated by you.”
EDIT: I could also picture hearing the ring and hum of a Tibetan meditation bowl during the island sequence. https://youtu.be/Nb3okem4OCk