Hmm, I feel like this isn’t very helpful, but it doesn’t really feel dreamy enough. I dunno, maybe some distortion to the dream itself. I’m also not sure about the voice over used in the dream. You used Unkar dialogue from the deleted scene, right? That was a good idea actually!
I’m conflicted on it. A part of me feels like it is too long, but maybe it actually just is too short of a scene to put in between those two First Order scenes and kind of screws with the pacing. Didn’t you originally have an idea to have her dream about walking up the island and actually seeing Luke?
I really don’t know if I would prefer this or not, but what if the dream didn’t have VO and it was bits of pieces of the end of TFA, with some kind of added dreamy effect, like a edge blur vignette, or a regrade, or edited in a very disjointed, illogical way. Maybe quick flashes of different things, like very quick flashes of the books inside the tree, the cave, the Prime Jedi, even the tree burning. I mean very quick flashes.
If you don’t have her reaching Luke at the end of the film, and end it on her jumping to hyperspace, when we catch back up with Rey in TLJ, you could place the last scene of TFA here, but possibly recut to not feel like shots are completely repeated, and you could combine it with the first scene of Rey in TLJ. I did find a cool edit of the last TFA scene where they replaced the audio with ambience that could be a useful basis for some rescoring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIVpbS18oJQ
Maybe you could try to regrade to make it appear night during the dream? That would help differentiate it.
With the previous “Reydream”, it just sort of feels like a tease, but that is okay because we move on from it quickly, it is just foreshadowing. As you have it now in “Reydream 2” it feels weird because we spend a lot of time on the dream but we don’t know what it means. But if we see a glimpse of the back of Luke, or a part of him, then the audience would kind of get why it is relevant, even though Rey won’t know who that is. It also allows the dream to be a bit longer and meaty, so the scene actually feels like a scene.
This is just some random thoughts though and I don’t even know if I would like it. What you have now is a solid basis for a short version, and maybe you could just try to experiment with that some more and find a vibe that works.
Also, wanted to share another video with you of someone who added flashes of visions to Luke standing over Ben. While I don’t know if that is really necessary, I like the way he quickly flashes to those other shots, in a quick, almost subliminal way, that I think would fit with the interrogation scene. It could with this dream sequence too. Sometimes I think brief flashes work better than staying on a shot for a long period of time, even if you wanted to use a longer shot, you could cut the shot up in a way where it zoom in, zoom out quickly and feel very disorienting. Just some random ideas though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XR-Jf0u6I0&t=81s