In broad strokes, I propose that Anakin goes to aid Obi Wan NOT because it's the right thing to do-- but (since he's mad about his mom) because he gets pushed into it. At first, Anakin is ambivalent enough to follow orders and let the other Jedi handle the rescue (which, we learn, would have worked out fine). He doesn't feel compelled to save Obi Wan until Padme decides it's her job. To avoid seeming "sickeningly PC" ;-)-- this has to be character driven. That means every cut that leads up to this decision has to support a clear point: that Anakin isn't sure what he wants to do, but Padme is.
Then, once he takes on Padme's challenge, he's there for the job and handles himself as best he can, but doesn't come around to be Obi Wan's friend again until their shouting match about saving Padme. Until the moment he agrees with Obi Wan, he's really only there for Padme and hasn't regained any respect for Obi Wan.
It's after he hears Obi Wan's compliments and Obi Wan's logic about what Padme would want that Anakin becomes, once again, a Jedi Apprentice.
I see- that’s a really good idea. Also, as you said, it gives the movie more of an actual story than it had before. Obi-Wan is keeping Anakin from saving his mother. He goes anyway and she dies. Anakin is angry at Obi-Wan for the rest of the film, until the gunship scene. At the end, they are friends again in their common goal to fight Dooku, after Anakin realises the logic in Obi-Wan’s argument. There are still some things I’d rather not do as you suggested, but I’ll discuss those below.
C3P0: "...Obi Wan Kenobi. Master Anni..."
Just thought I’d mention that whenever possible, “Anni” is replaced with “Anakin.” A stylistic thing. I’m doing the same with the word “mom”- Anakin says “mother” in the dream- as well as “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”, and other words that don’t seem to fit in my opinion.
OBI WAN: (on tape) "Anakin..."
CUT TO: CU of unhappy Anakin as the message continues to play. Then...
CUT TO: Master shot again until Padme turns... (cutting on motion)
CUT TO: CU of Anakin as Obi Wan instructs them to relay the message... (cutting on motion)
CUT TO: CU of Padme as she turns to the button. CU on button, etc.
Aha! So we’re using editing (rather than dialogue) to imply that Anakin is in a quandary about what to do here. The only trouble is that I have only 2 or 3 CU’s of Anakin from that scene. I can play with them (reverse them, change their speed, etc.) but the material is limited. Good idea, though.
In showing this attack, reverse the close-ups of Padme and Anni. Start on Anni's reaction. He's surprised, but not moved... Cut to Padme, turning to Anni to see his reaction-- she's surprised by his reaction as well as by the message itself.
I can do that…
Mace: "Your most important thing is [cut] to protect the Senator at all costs."
(losing the line "stay where you are.")
And that as well. I see now that removing that direct order does make them seem less immature. As it stands, you kind of wonder why Mace Windu didn’t take greater precautions that Anakin didn’t intervene with Palpatine. He told him to wait around in the chambers. He didn’t listen before- isn’t that a little bit dangerous? This way, it makes Anakin, Padme and Mace all seem less stupid.
CUT the line "He's like a father to me."
Yes, because now, Anakin is angry at his master. He’s not saying nice things about him for the remainder of the film…
As a side note, I think this darker version of the scene makes the 3P0 lines at the end about "never having done space travel" more appropriate, so I hope you keep them.
I have kept this.
"They ordered you to protect me, and I'm going, so you have to come."
The painful line was actually, “And I’m going to help Obi-Wan. If you protect me, you’ll just have to come along.” I’m changing that to, “I want to help Obi-Wan. You have to come.” Anakin: I will come. He walks to the pilot’s chair. Anakin: But I’m doing it for you.
That’s more than an implication- that’s a very specific statement that I think will give this scene the intended meaning, especially in the absence of…
The short Anakin/Padme interior of ship scene on Geonosis. This is cut (along with the thing with the droids afterwards). We see the ship land in the fog, and then we see Anakin and Padme exit the ship. However, I have taken the droid exchange from this little deleted sequence and dubbed it over their second conversation, like so:
REPLACE: For a mechanic, you seem to do an excessive amount of thinking. WITH If they had needed our help, they would have asked for it, hmm?
REPLACE: I am programmed to understand humans! WITH You obviously have a great deal to learn about human behavior.
Next line is- Where are you going now? Etc.(CUT What does that mean? That means I am in charge here).
End the droid scene with 3PO saying: Have you no sense at all? Extend (probably slow the speed of) shot a bit to fit in the last word or two. Then cut to Anakin and Padme.
I suggest a line like this:
EXT. FLYING SPACE SHIP OVER GEONOSIS
Anakin: (V.O.) "We have no idea where he is. If I'm to protect you, we need a plan."
INT. FLYING SPACESHIP
Padme: "See those columns of steam straight ahead?-- they're exhaust vents of some type."
Anakin: "That'll do."
EXT. FLYING SPACE SHIP OVER GEONOSIS
Anakin: (V.O.) "We have no idea where he is. And frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. Do you have a plan?
Just kidding (no Gone With the Wind here)
What about this:
INT. FLYING SPACESHIP
Anakin: We have no idea where Kenobi got himself incarcerated this time. So we need a plan.
Padme: See those columns of steam straight ahead?
Anakin: That'll do.
(I considered incorporating “He’s as clumsy as he is stupid,” but it’s too much of a nod to the OT). This is very hostile, though- is it too much so, in your opinion?
[OMIT the reference of "Obi Wan's going to kill me" when his light saber's destroyed]
Fine- I loved, “Obi-Wan’ll burn me alive,” but even that doesn’t fit with Anakin’s new hostility toward Obi-Wan.
Here's a big moment: Obi Wan and Anakin see each other for the first time. Obi Wan's surprised-- Anakin DOES NOT SMILE at him. He glares. Obi Wan rolls eyes.
Absolutely.
The couple are chained up and Obi Wan says "I wondered if you got my message." Anakin replies as scripted-- but the line reading is sinister and flat. "We got it. Then we came to save you, dick-head." "Good job" cracks Obi Wan. Do NOT show the embarrassed Anakin reaction shot.
Yes, but even Anakin wouldn’t be so disrespectful. I think I’ll leave the actual line as-is: I’ll just record it in a more hostile way.
The animals come out. CUT Anakin's "I got a bad feeling about this" line-- CUT the "what about Padme" lines. Anakin and Padme have a plan. They spring into action and Obi Wan is the one playing "catch up"-- not Anakin.
Yes. The only thing I have to do is to find another spot to put “I have a bad feeling about this”- it’s a Star Wars tradition.
Recut the action of the beasts so that Anakin's beast ATTACKS FIRST.
Then Padme's.
Then Obi Wan's. Obi Wan is left tied up the longest, the last to be attacked and the last to escape.
I’ll see if I can’t do that.
As the beast stabs at Obi Wan, pump up the anxiety with bigger BOOM Sound FX as the beast misses and crushes the ground.
Keep the tension building on OBI WAN and PADME as their struggles play out. Keep the Anakin "training the beast" beat for last. In other words, let the beats of Obi Wan and Padme play out AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE before Anakin gets anywhere with his attempt to train his beast. BUT...
Once things are terrible and Anakin approaches his beast with his hand outstretched-- play the FORCE MUSIC CUE. The force has a strong effect on the weak minded. Let's hear it -- and now we know Anakin's plan.
Then, in much more rapid cuts than the present edit, Anakin rescues Padme and Obi Wan. Let Anakin's success unravel their mess more quickly and directly.
Excellent ideas. Anakin=hero, while Padme and Obi-Wan almost get creamed. Again reinforcing Anakin’s ability.
THE DROIDS roll out... MUSIC CUE: when these droids come we need much scarier music. This should sound like the end of the frickin' world!
Don’t worry about that…
(As a side note in this battle: PLEASE cut the beat where Padme and Anakin jump onto the chariot and run around.
Yes.
Natalie Portman looks so silly holding that gun.
Exactly my thoughts on the subject.
The last great Anakin beats come as he and Padme ride with Obi Wan on the gun boat. Anakin naturally takes charge: Shoot at the fuel, he says. Good idea, compliments Obi Wan. That's a nice change-- maybe Obi Wan's not so bad...
Then Padme drops out and Anni goes nuts. Obi Wan gets in his face and challenges Anakin to now or never act like a Jedi! Anakin accepts the challenge and lets Padme go. Maybe a special music cue is called for here, I don't know. But this is the key moment at the climax of this character story.
Perhaps this is a good spot for a full-blown rendition of Anakin’s theme from Episode I- there’s a particular section I loved that was only found on the CD and never actually used in the movies. That would bump up the content a great deal emotionally (as it would with any scene it’s used in). Also, I think that the use of that theme would make even more sense when using the line, "I won't lose her like I lost my mother!" because the theme hearkens back to Episode I, Tatooine, and Shmi/Anakin relationship specifically.
I hope these ideas are clear. Thanks, Trooperman. I love working on this.
As do I- I’m so happy I have people like you to chat about this with. As I said before, you have much clearer ideas about the “Anakin character” part of Episode II than I did when I started on this, and some very brilliant twists on existing scenes to accomplish it. This is the type of input and feedback I hoped for when I put this project on the net. Thanks!
As for the "suicidally stupid" attack on Dukoo-- I think the important thing to cover is that it at least seems like a good idea. If Obi Wan says "Don't rush him" and Anakin rushes him-- it's like comedy. So the quick fix is to not have Obi Wan say "Don't rush him." If it could be worked into an even better beat, say, Anakin shows some patience, then Dukoo baits him and Anakin finally sees a chance and attacks what he thinks is a weakness-- well that would be awesome. If it can look like Anakin's doing something great and decisive only to be stopped dead, shocking him and the audience as well-- that's the best possible version of that beat.
It’s tricky- it’s rather limited as to what you can and cannot do with the entrance. I’ll see what I can do, though. It will be improved, however. How I've ended this scene now is not with Anakin lying on the floor, but with Dooku igniting his red saber. It's a revelation. Then, we cut to the battle outside. Up until this point, I've cut all references to "master" and made it seem as though Dooku might not actually be a Sith- so the red saber is a turning point. They have an enemy.
Oh, and also.- Han/Leia theme will not be in the prequels. But as I said, I might be able to slip in a subtle little variation in a scene (you’ll have to listen for it) as a tribute.
Thanks!
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Commander Courage:
Qui-Gon: I've been thinking of ways to expand his role in the saga, as he is also my favorite charcter in the prequels (Liam Neeson is also my favorite actor). A good source would be the Episode 1 tone poems (I've mentioned these before in one of Obi-wanton's threads). I don't know if you're familiar with them
Absolutely! Thank goodness, there’s a tone poem featuring Shmi as well- this was great when working on the dream sequence (“Don’t look back”)
However, based on how you are handling his dreams, they would be an ideal place in insert the voice of Qui-Gon.
The Episode II dream has evolved into a rather long and kind of abstract piece of work, so just about anything can fit at this point.
Qui-Gon: It will be a hard life. One without reward. One with regret.
Shmi: Don’t look back. Anakin…
Anakin: Mother…
Image of beaten-up Shmi fades in (from black). Crossfade with Tuskens and also Anakin in bed, speaking in fragments
Anakin: No…please, no…mother…!!!!
That would work very well, actually. And Qui-Gon starts off the dream.
You mentioned rotoscoping lightsaber before; I would love to get a screenshot of your attempts.
Sure:
Or, I could do this…
I should post screenshots more often- I'll try to do it more.
As far as the overall music goes, I'm really excited to see how your alterations it into the film, as music (especially in Star Wars) can make a HUGE difference. Though I like the choice of "Uranus" as Dooku's theme, don't you think it's a bit bombastic, and is bound to get repetitive after awhile. Although you might have all this worked out already and rearranged it. Either way I think this merits more discussion.
Certainly. Dooku doesn’t really have a theme as much as just the 4-note motif from Uranus, and it doesn’t show up often- only once in a while for dramatic effect. For instance, it’s introduced when Dooku enters the interrogation room (where Obi-Wan is held). It is heard again in the arena as Dooku comes out. And finally, as Dooku turns around to face Obi-Wan and Anakin, it is used again.
Overall discussion about Count Dooku:
I still think that Count Dooku works better as a Sith. Star Wars has traditionally been very clear about who the good guys are and who the bad guys are. I like the Dooku is a Sith who realizes too late that he is completely disposable when someone better comes along. I just love when Palpatine says, "Kill him" and Dooku turns to look at him. I trusted you!
However, whether I decide to do Maul=Grievous or not will not affect Dooku's being a Sith in Episode II because in Episode I, Yoda's line will be changed to, "Always two there are; a master and an apprentice." Rather open-ended. And if I remember correctly, there was a very turbulent discussion over this in the beginning of Kevin's thread. However, I think that this is the best choice- but I can always change it to fit the other 2, as I'm doing Episode I last.
I have to get III done before I to complete my recording for Anakin. Without III, II is incompatible in SW. Another big picture plan- for Episode I, I am going to use a prologue before the Main Titles. It seems fitting to provide some history before beginning a 6-film saga. So we have the fanfare along with the Fox Logo, Lucasfilm Lmtd., etc. etc. Then, instead of going directly to "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away," we go to a new frame of text. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a great war. The Jedi Knights, guardians of peace and justice..." etc. We have brief shots of battles and spaceships and other things in between the background story. I'll need to do research into the EU for ideas on this.
Anyway (getting off-topic)...
I don't have time to expand on the logistic of Queen Padme Amildala, but I will I get the chance.
Please do!
What I've been keeping in mind, and I hope we all will, is that Episode 2 in whatever form it mayt be needs to be able to fit into Episode 3.
Definitely. I don't want to get into the Maul=Grievous discussion in this particular thread, as that's an Episode III/I problem, but I've definitely been thinking about how to tie things in to III and I. Jar-Jar is extremely difficult, because although he has only a handful of lines in this one, I have to use the same technique extensively in I (whatever it happens to be). However, I still think Dooku with a red saber and the "meeting with Sidious" scene at the end would fit in regardless of the Grievous issue.
Thanks very much for all the suggestions!
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MTHaslett:Anyway, my whole neighborhood is keeping you in their prayers at night, Trooperman. May the Force be with you and all those midiclorians in your blood.
You haven't really told your whole neighborhood about this, have you?
At present, I am only committed to sending out 3 copies of this- one to Rikter, one to MTHaslett, and one to Commander Courage. I can't commit to any more, so Rikter will be the distributor (unless MTH or CC make copies as well). And also, everyone- please don't complain if I lag behind on this project. I'm working at the fastest rate possible right now, and it would kill me not to meet the deadline, but if I don't- it wasn't on purpose and there's nothing I can do.
Thanks for all your support and suggestions, everyone! I don't know what I'd do without you. I hope that if this edit is successful, it will start a trend of talking with different people about your edit before you begin, picking up previous edits for ideas, and in general not doing the whole thing in solitude.
Trooperman
EDIT: NO midichlorians in my cuts. None. "He could manipulate the Force to create life," will be Palpatine's line, as has been done in other edits.