@RogueLeader, I’ve too been wracking my brain with the best way to write a TFA crawl. There’s so much info to convey, and so little space. The theatrical crawl is an absolute mess, clearly JJ just trying to simplify everything for general audiences. I agree that you really have to whittle everything down to the most essential elements, i.e. you can live without mentioning the SKB I think.
Personally I don’t think that the “First Order spies” angle is the right way to go at it. The film supports this framing, but I don’t think the framing supports the film. I much prefer getting across the idea of New Republic complacency in the face of the new threat. It jives with what the film and the ST in general is actually about - despite thinking that the light had won forever at the end of ROTJ, the dark side is back; in the face of this you can ignore the threat completely and go about your life, you can retreat in a fit of nihilistic desperation, or you can stand up and fight, even if you know it’s a fight that may never end. To that end, this is my favorite of your options “With the New Republic unwilling to start another war, General Leia Organa mobilizes a private/covert Resistance to counter the rise of this growing Imperial remnant.” I have some mockups of a potential crawl that I’ll have to post later.
Now for TLJ, I’m somewhat of the opinion that TLJ’s crawl is practically perfect, and probably the best crawl since the original film (yes, better than Empire, which isn’t without flaws). That people interpret “The First Order reigns” to mean that they already have full control of the galaxy is pretty weird to me. First of all, “reigns” is not a word with only one rigid meaning, and second, the sentence that comes immediately after clarifies: “Having decimated the peaceful Republic, Supreme Leader Snoke now deploys his merciless legions to seize military control of the galaxy.” In my mind that sets up the First Order’s side of it pretty well, which does well to set the tone for a dire situation for the galaxy and Resistance, by emphasizing the FO’s growing power and the massive threat they pose… even though I do like your reworking in its own way (I will say I think saying ‘both the First Order and Resistance have been decimated’ is irrelevant and distracting).
It’s when we get to the Resistance’s side of things that I can see either for or against changing. On the one hand, I think pretty much all the information you need is there, with the last two graphs of the crawl setting up what the movie is actually about far better than most of the saga’s other crawls. I appreciate the brevity and economy of word usage here, but I do honestly wonder… would it be better to be slightly more specific? I’m thinking about the the second paragraph where it talks about Leia seeking Luke to restore the “spark.” As is, it’s vague who he’d actually be restoring the spark for. So maybe the room for improvement here would be to clarify that there are Republic remnants in the galaxy that are sympathetic to the Resistance, but skeptical this is a battle they can win. I’ll have to think on it, but there’s got to be a way to succinctly say that the Resistance has allies that are too afraid to fight, and just need a little push.
Maybe something like this?
With the remaining Republic forces fearful to face this rising tyranny, only General Leia Organa’s band of RESISTANCE fighters stand to fight, certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the cause.
Or this?
Only General Leia Organa’s band of RESISTANCE fighters stand against the rising tyranny, certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope for the remaining Republic forces too fearful to join the fight.