Kind of agree with krlozdac. It might be worth trying it that way too. I think it’s making progress though. A few more suggestions.

I would trim up the stuff with Rose a little bit more. Basically, have Rose look back, we see an AT-AT shooting, remove the shot of her turning back around, remove the second shot of the AT-AT shooting, and trim the shot of Rose getting shot to start where she is already looking back. That way, we don’t have her looking back, looking forward, and looking back again. It might help the pacing a little bit.

And whichever shot of the AT-AT you decide to keep, I would take it out of wherever it’s original replacement was, if you can. That way, you’re not repeating the same shot twice.

Also, the added laser bolts firing past Rose, I think the angle is a little too downward, and should be a bit more parallel with the ground, if that makes sense.

And with Finn’s “No!”, to me, at least, it doesn’t sound like it is coming through the comm’s enough. I don’t know what editing software you use, but for me with Premiere, I would add a highpass filter effect to Finn’s line to make it sound more like radio chatter.

Finally, I think the added cropped shot of the laser firing and the flash on Kylo’s face works well. I would suggest another a little addition, have the subsequent shot of the door begin really bright also, and have it fade back to normal, so the brightness flows from one shot to the next.