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Random Thoughts — Page 757

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Getting married makes you a bad person.

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As there is a socially (and legally!) defined concept of marriage, judging is inherent in that. Whether one advocates a looser or stricter definition is based on many subjective factors. How or whether we judge others for not abiding social norms or our own personal values is a separate and related matter with no obvious resolution.

Handman is right that most people, including those taking a very pro- view of marriage as an institution, are understanding when marriages don’t work out.

The blue elephant in the room.

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Mrebo said:

As there is a socially (and legally!) defined concept of marriage, judging is inherent in that. Whether one advocates a looser or stricter definition is based on many subjective factors. How or whether we judge others for not abiding social norms or our own personal values is a separate and related matter with no obvious resolution.

People judge everything. I judge everything. The key is to not value other people’s opinions.

Handman is right that most people, including those taking a very pro- view of marriage as an institution, are understanding when marriages don’t work out.

Obviously not in this thread.

Jeebus said:

Getting married makes you a bad person.

Finally someone gets it!

The Person in Question

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Lol. Just because you don’t like the definition of something doesn’t change the definition. If you don’t want to get married there’s nothing wrong with that, but saying marriage isn’t supposed to last forever is wrong, whether you wish that wasn’t what it meant or not.

*awaits cursing and ridicule for not feeling the same way as others*

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It isn’t necessarily supposed to last forever. Obviously most people want it to when they get into it, and the majority of first marriages actually don’t end in divorce so apparently most of them are doing it right, but there’s nothing in the definition demanding that it last forever. I mean, people die, so obviously marriage is lasting forever. People change, people make mistakes, people betray each other. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to end failing marriages. Grow up, life isn’t a Disney movie.

The Person in Question

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I mean, no one gets into a marriage thinking it will end in divorce.

suspiciouscoffee said:

I need to see Divorce, Italian Style.

One of the funniest movies I have ever seen.

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Handman said:

I mean, no one gets into a marriage thinking it will end in divorce.

They should see it as a possibility. People that are realistic about marriage and relationships almost always have healthier relationships. If they see things like divorce and affairs as realities that could happen to anybody, then they’re a lot less likely to let themselves get to that point.

The Person in Question

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moviefreakedmind said:

We should stop considering marriage to be some sacred bond because it fucking isn’t.

Well, that is not going to happen because some us think marriage is a sacred bond.

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moviefreakedmind said:

Mrebo said:

As there is a socially (and legally!) defined concept of marriage, judging is inherent in that. Whether one advocates a looser or stricter definition is based on many subjective factors. How or whether we judge others for not abiding social norms or our own personal values is a separate and related matter with no obvious resolution.

People judge everything. I judge everything. The key is to not value other people’s opinions.

Stalemate!

Handman is right that most people, including those taking a very pro- view of marriage as an institution, are understanding when marriages don’t work out.

Obviously not in this thread.

There is a difference between judging in a general way based on principles and judging individual cases.

The blue elephant in the room.

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If it’s not in the official use to last forever they should stop saying till death do us part then

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Warbler said:

moviefreakedmind said:

We should stop considering marriage to be some sacred bond because it fucking isn’t.

Well, that is not going to happen because some us think marriage is a sacred bond.

That’s why I said that you should STOP!!

The Person in Question

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Possessed said:

If it’s not in the official use to last forever they should stop saying till death do us part then

That’s part of the vows often used in weddings, not the definition of a marriage.

The Person in Question

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Handman said:

I’ve never encountered anyone who has judged someone harshly for a divorce, unless they were the cause (infidelity etc.). It’s something to feel bad about, because it is a failure, no way around that. But failure is what makes us stronger and wiser.

First of all, it’s the marriage that’s the failure, not the divorce. Divorce is the solution.

Not to mention, not all marriages that end in divorce are failures people get divorce after being together for decades. It’s possible to have a happy marriage and then years down the line change and decide to move on. It’s not “giving up.”

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Possessed said:

Lol. Just because you don’t like the definition of something doesn’t change the definition. If you don’t want to get married there’s nothing wrong with that, but saying marriage isn’t supposed to last forever is wrong, whether you wish that wasn’t what it meant or not.

*awaits cursing and ridicule for not feeling the same way as others*

It’s not about me personally not the liking “the definition.” There are literally multiple definitions.

(As well there should be, I don’t know why everyone should have to conform their relationships to one specific definition.)

Possessed said:

If it’s not in the official use to last forever they should stop saying till death do us part then

Man… you realize not everyone says that right?

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Not to mention, not all marriages that end in divorce are failures

What?

People get divorce after being together for decades. It’s possible to have a happy marriage and then years down the line change and decide to move on. It’s not “giving up.”

But it is a failure. Why would you get a divorce if it’s a happy marriage? Clearly something changed down the line where the marriage no longer works. People don’t just say, “Hey, I know we’ve been together for years, but I want a divorce” for no reason.

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Handman said:

Not to mention, not all marriages that end in divorce are failures

What?

People get divorce after being together for decades. It’s possible to have a happy marriage and then years down the line change and decide to move on. It’s not “giving up.”

But it is a failure. Why would you get a divorce if it’s a happy marriage? Clearly something changed down the line.

It can start happy and then go another way. What I mean is not all marriages are complete failures. You can get a divorce and not regret the marriage.

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DominicCobb said:

Handman said:

Not to mention, not all marriages that end in divorce are failures

What?

People get divorce after being together for decades. It’s possible to have a happy marriage and then years down the line change and decide to move on. It’s not “giving up.”

But it is a failure. Why would you get a divorce if it’s a happy marriage? Clearly something changed down the line.

It can start happy and then go another way. What I mean is not all marriages are complete failures. You can get a divorce and not regret the marriage.

Well, I can’t disagree there.

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Oh my God. I said you “should”. I know you’ll never get that marriage isn’t sacred, I just said that you should.

The Person in Question

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moviefreakedmind said:

Oh my God. I said you “should”. I know you’ll never get that marriage isn’t sacred, I just said that you should.

Well, I won’t get that.

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Going to see John Williams perform tonight, with special guest Steven Spielberg… so this might be the best day of my life.

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Oh my god, that sounds incredible! Very envious of you!