Well, I disagree entirely. First off, it is obvious we are supposed to side with Poe. Holdo is expecting Poe to follow orders. That he doesn’t is not surprising because she doesn’t share what she is doing. And ultimately it is Poe who turns Holdo’s cunning plan into a disaster. Poe sends Finn and Rose off to solve the problem his way. A daring venture full of risks with a possible payoff. But because they do not find the hacker that Maz recommends (probably because he can be trusted) and they end up with DJ and DJ learns of Holdo’s plan, when the mission goes sour he uses that to get himself out of trouble. As a result most of the resistance is destroyed, rather than losing the one ship and hiding out on Crait until someone came to get them. Poe is a hotshot pilot but that is not what makes a leader. Knowing when to not be the hotshot and play it safe is the lesson he needed and he got it the hard way. However the movie makes it very clear that if he hadn’t gone ahead and destroyed the dreadnaught at the beginning, it would have wiped them out later. So his first reckless act that he got demoted for turned out to be the right thing to do at the time, but after the fallout, Poe is making wiser decisions. Not bad for a character Abrams almost killed off.
That story line is full of old war movie tropes. How Holdo treats Poe, how Poe reacts, and how he learns. That may not be your real world experience, but it is many people’s. And Holdo doesn’t seem like she is much of a people person. One of those who rose to command through brilliant tactics. She obviously is a friend of Leia’s. So her tough treatment of Poe makes a lot of sense. Military methods of leadership are not the same as private sector methods. The military needs people who will follow orders without question plus brilliant strategists. So using civilian leadership techniques to critique a military interaction doesn’t work well. The same rules don’t apply. There is a reason why the traditional drill sergeant is tough and gruff. Dressing down a subordinate in a military setting isn’t about their well being, it is about their discipline and willingness to follow orders. In a military setting you need someone who will not panic and will act on their training no matter the price. In a civilian setting an employee’s life is rarely on the line and you rarely need blind obedience. So it is comparing apples to oranges.
So both on the writing side and on the realism side, this part of the story reflects some brilliant writing. I find the entire movie to be brilliant. I love it more the more I watch it. And it is definitely very Star Wars. War movies and samurai movies were very much a part of the original trilogy and Rian Johnson captured that part far better than Abrams did in TFA. I watched Twelve O’Clock High and Three Outlaw Samurai after I heard they, plus To Catch A Thief, were classics Rian Johnson was watching to prepare for this movie. Three brilliant films that definitely had an influence.
Maybe you should read the link I posted from someone with actual military experience, who makes it very clear, that in his military experience Holdo is not a good leader, both from the perspective of how she deals with Poe, and from the perspective of her strategy with regards to the FO. Being in the military is about more than following orders, and being a military leader is about more than forcing your will onto someone, or expecting people to blindly follow orders. The fact is that her leadership resulted in a mutiny, because she didn’t communicate her strategy in a highly tense, and life threatening situation. She has final responsibility, and she failed to communicate her plans even when Poe relieved her of her command at gun point.
Have you seen Twelve O’Clock High? If not then we are coming from different places. I have no personal military experience, only historical research related to WWII, the Indian Wars and the Civil War. Plus a crapload of war and military movies. First off, a superior officer does not have to tell those under them the plans or the reasons for the plans. That isn’t how chain of command works. I did briefly work under a police chief who was a stickler for chain of command and while the police and military do things somewhat differently, certain concepts are identical. One is the chain of command. Twelve O’clock High is directly about a superior officer who must earn the trust of the men under him when he assumes command after a beloved but inept commander has been removed. It has a lot of other things in it. Plus many of the other things are echoes in Three Outlaw Samurai and many other WWII and Saumurai movies. Twelve O’Clock High in particular was made with the full cooperation of the US Military.
And while I know that not everyone still abide by the old strict chain of command structure, that is one thing that drives Twelve O’Clock High. The removed commander doesn’t follow the book and has a horrible unit while the replacement is by the book, makes some enemies, and turns the unit into one of the best - increasing efficiency and reducing casualties. So I think that movie in itself and the wisdom of our military training programs it represents, whether they are currently adhered to or not, is more relevant than what a single person who has served in the modern military has to say. There is a reason why drill sergeant are so hard on people and there is a reason why they are so effective. And there is a reason why movies portray people like that the way they do. So Holdo isn’t doing anything out of typical military practice by not telling Poe what the plan is. Commanders don’t generally do that without good reason. And Poe, because he related that plan to Finn and Rose, is directly responsible for all the ships that are destroyed. So she had good reason not to tell him that is born out by the events in the film. Poe didn’t need to know and had no business telling Finn and Rose. He was acting on his own initiative outside the chain of command. He didn’t trust Holdo. That concept comes directly from Twelve O’Clock High.
And from everything I’ve heard, read, studied, researched about our military training, the reason for the harsh training is to instill in soldiers that they follow orders without question. When their commander says charge, they charge. If a commander can’t trust that those under him follow his orders, then he can’t reasonably hope for any plan go as planned and have a chance at success. It has been the core of our military training since Valley Forge.
Here’s a relevant link:
https://warontherocks.com/2017/07/when-can-a-soldier-disobey-an-order/
I disagree with your assertion, that our military are trained to blindly follow orders, in fact they are specifically instructed to also think for themselves to determine for example, if an order is lawfull. Poe is not only there to follow orders, he’s also responsible for the men and women who serve under him. If he believes his commander has lost her mind, is in some way incapacitated, or is unfit for command as set out in regulations (in this case to the point, that he believes, she’s about to get everyone killed), it’s his duty to intervene. A chain of command is maintained through communication, if a person at the top or any other level does not communicate, that chain is broken.
Then there’s also the fact, that she still refuses to communicate, when a mutiny breaks out. At that point it is clearly in her and the Resistance’s best interest, that she diffuses the situation as quickly as possible, before things spiral even further out of control. Informing Poe of her plan may achieve this. She cannot pass all the blame to Poe for the fallout, if she doesn’t do this, because as the person in charge she is ultimately responsible for the safety of her crew. If there’s an option, that results in the least casualties, she should take it, and deal with Poe appropriately at a more convenient time in a court martial, where his and her actions can be examined.
The movie Crimson Tide comes to mind, where the nuclear submarine’s second in command refuses to follow the captain’s orders, because he feels the captain is not following proper procedure, and is thus endangering the crew, and the United States. He subsequently starts a mutiny. At the end of the movie both the captain and his subordinate are held responsible in a tribunal for the sequence of events, because they failed to communicate, and to resolve their issues, which resulted in an extremely dangerous life threatening situation.