Absolutely. Vertically or horizontally.
I think that the dialog should be something like this "The item you have placed in the sensor tray is a toxic saberdart. As you can see on your screen, these projectiles are used by the cloners of Kamino. There is no other information available.". "these projectiles are used by the cloners in the Kamino system. They are rarely found within the Republic." implies that they should have the planet in their records. Although, by having the "there is no other information available" then, going to a library to try to find out more information seems more natural.
That is a good point. So...
The item you have placed in the sensor tray is a toxic saberdart.
As you can see on your screen, these projectiles are used by the cloners of Kamino. No other information is available at this time.
Thanks for the dialogue polish!
Hurry up and send my discs because I can't wait to finally like Episode II.
I hope to have this released by Christmas time this year- that's my goal. This will be very polished and professional before I send it to anyone. I'm thinking now that it may not be a good idea to include some of the extras I proposed, because of the limit of a 4.7 GB single-layer disc. I'm thinking that that space could be better utilized with a stereo audio track in uncompressed PCM (along with the mono Dolby Digital commentary) and a higher bitrate for the video.
Perhaps the disc will not have any menus at all- you could switch to the commentary using your DVD remote. The same would apply for the English subtitles. And at the end of the film (after the credits), I could include my trailer at the end.
Also, distribution- I don't really want to distribute this disc myself. I had originally planned to send out 1 disc only (to Rikter) and then let him distribute it (for free). However, I'm thinking that for a select few people (like you) that I trust, I might be able to send a disc directly.
I see you still want to do the "meadow" scene which I keep objecting to. Fine, you're the boss. I've finally come to terms with it -- but I offer this: I think the scene will work best if it can end on Padme saying "You're teasing me" without letting Anakin say anything in reply. As long as Padme doesn't believe Anakin's thoughts on politics are serious then it works as intended -- as a foreshadowing of Anakin's fall. But if she suspects he means it (which is how it plays as written) then he comes off as her worst possible love match.
Yes- I was rather fond of certain aspects of that scene, and I felt that a scene was needed in between the dinner/kitchen scene and the outright rejection scene (balcony/fireside). This scene establishes that they've been doing things together not work-related at all. The rolling around in the grass has been resequenced at the beginning of scene (end of mountains montage) so that it's not actually part of a scene, and we don't know what set of circumstances got them to that point. But we get a sense of passing time and increasing friendliness between them, which I find to be essential (in believability).
That having been said, I see exactly where you're coming from and I can make a simple switch in shots to do as you suggested:
Anakin: Well, if it worked...
Padme: You're making fun of me!
Anakin looks serious. Then he smiles as transition takes over- clock-wipe to next scene.
Second objection (sorry), I see you still have the "You've grown up" Anakin/Padme scene after she gives Jar Jar her power. What does this scene get you, I wonder. It is so awkward and all it's content is covered better elsewhere in my opinion.
That was the last encouragement I needed to remove it. It's gone. The only points that it makes are- 1. Anakin is a juvenile brat and 2. Padme observes how much Anakin has changed. But she makes that point anyway while on the flight to Naboo.
The only problem with removing it would've been a scene that was too short with Padme and Jar-Jar. But with the dream sequence directly before it, it works perfectly.
In looking back through this thread (to ensure that I hadn’t missed any suggestions) I came upon an excellent idea posted by Jeten San Hett that really got me thinking about the final saber duel at the end. I don’t want to completely give it away (I mean, there should be some element of surprise in this somewhere
), but I’ll just say that it involves some intercutting of Anakin vs. Dooku and Yoda vs. Dooku. This cut is much more tense, fast-paced, and more complicated. Furthermore, the only FX work I need to do is to recolor one green lightsaber blue in one shot. All of the rest can be covered with clever editing, help from the full-screen DVD, and additional sound effects and music in the mix. But it is not corny at all, now- finally I’m happy with the exciting climax that this film should’ve had to begin with. I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me sooner. Oh…what the heck:
Anakin is fighting Dooku. Dooku is clearly playing with them. Suddenly, without warning, we cut out of their fight for one shot, as we see Yoda’s shadow advancing. They continue fighting. Yoda appears. Dooku completely disregards Anakin, shutting off his saber and turning around to face Yoda. He certainly isn’t worried about Anakin. “Count Dooku.” “Master Yoda…you have interfered with our affairs for the last time."” He throws an object at Yoda. He shoves it aside. Uh-oh, thinks Dooku. He raises his arms and starts to bring the crane down (Obi-Wan looks up in horror).
Meanwhile, Anakin has been sneaking up behind Dooku, waiting to make his move (none of his limbs are gone yet). After Dooku starts toppling the crane, Anakin jumps across the room wildly at Dooku, and lands right in front of him, saber ignited. No problem- Dooku slices his arm off and force-pushes him in the direction he came from, resting right by Obi-Wan (under the falling crane). Meanwhile, cut to Yoda using the force to stop the crane. Then, we see the Count run to his ship (saber still lit) to escape.
Here’s the corresponding excerpt from my notes (illustrating why I don’t post my actual notes here):
OR Anakin and Obi-Wan fight. CUT to shot of Yoda’s shadow. (use saber sound effects in background from the original movie). CUT to them fighting, and then they pause. CUT to Yoda appearing around the corner. CUT to Dooku turning around (add lightsaber turn-off). Yoda: Count Dooku. Dooku: Master Yoda- You have interfered with our affairs for the last time. He immediately throws an object at him. Yoda blocks it. (no long shots of both of them. Use the first of Dooku hand motions, the second of Yoda’s blocks. Utilize the full-screen DVD). Use shot of Dooku motioning upward. Use shot of crane which was directly after, “This is just the beginning”. Cut to Obi-Wan looking up in horror. And the following original shot of the crane falling. CUT to Anakin (saber recolored blue) jumping across the room. (add sound effect of Dooku’s saber igniting-make it obvious) CUT to Dooku chopping his arm off and sending him alongside Obi-Wan under the pillar. CUT to Yoda using the force (and Dooku running off), immediately followed by the brief close-up of Yoda. CUT to pillar falling on both of them. CUT to Dooku looking behind.
Making for a MUCH better sequence, in my opinion. Also, here’s the plan for the kiss scene on Geonosis:
Anakin: Don’t be frightened, Padme. We’ll escape this nightmare before long.
Shot of Padme looking sad. Shot of Anakin looking sad.
Padme: Anakin… I love you.
Anakin is surprised.
Anakin: What are you talking about? CUT to shot of Padme.
Anakin: We had decided not to fall in love. That it would destroy us.
Padme: Our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. Silhouette of them kissing. (climax in music)
CUT: to the Geonosians cheering in arena. Cut to the last part of shot of them riding out.
Also..one good thing about including the line “You haven’t learned anything, Anakin” (outside of the nightclub) is that it sets up Anakin’s later line to Dooku: “I am a slow learner.”
Also, to get rid of the “you give me warm feelings” line from Yoda to Padme, here’s what I’ve done:
Yoda: Senator Amidala. In grave danger…you are.
Padme: Do you have any idea who’s behind this attack?
Windu: Our intelligence points to disgruntled spice miners on the moons of Naboo. CUT in shot of Padme looking at camera (the one where she’s staring straight ahead when Bail is talking. Zoom in so as to remove Bail’s face, and cut out before Padme begins talking).
Palpatine: Master Jedi, may I suggest the senator be placed under the protection of your graces.
CUT: Bail Organa’s line: Do you really think that’s a wise decision…
Yoda’s suspicious look comes after “Do it for me, milady. Please.” Put it in place of the reaction shot of Padme, when Palpatine says, “The thought of losing you…” Then, take it out of its original place and slow another shot down or cut another one in to replace it.
Reduce saturation to about 260.
This way, Padme doesn’t ignore Yoda- she asks a related question.
Another thing- Dooku now has his own musical motif (from Uranus, by Holst) It crops up at several key points in the film.
And yet another thing- I’m replacing the lightsaber sound effects with the classic ones from the original SW. I really disliked the new types of sounds that were used in the original cut.
And I promise this is the last one- I’m thinking about adding a very light, almost imperceptible grain to the entire film to make it seem like you’re actually watching a film and not a video game (which will also be helped by reduction in saturation). Thoughts on how much?
As always, I value your input. However, before too long, I’m going to lock down and pretty much go with what I have before doing the final mix and cut- so please don’t wait to post if you have something!