Neverar, I really like the direction that your new crawl is heading in. The first paragraph is pretty good but I would want something a little different for the line “some in the Republic”, it just sounds off. Maybe the crawl could instead refer to the political leaders of the republic. Something like “Many senators of the Republic have begun to consider a return to imperial rule.”
The second paragraph is also quite good but feels a little clunky since it is just one long sentence that goes on for a while. The one part that makes it feel a little convoluted is the mention of the Superweapon. I guess the best way to describe how I feel is that the crawl at that point is talking about a secret extremist group, then all of sudden something about a superweapon, and then back to the search for the Last Jedi. The information just feels a little crowded.
The third paragraph is PERFECT. I really like your wording and overall choice of vocabulary. It feels really grand and communicates where the story is currently at.
Sorry if any of my feedback there did not make much sense. Best of luck with everything, the edit looks great!