Handman said:
They hurt my feelings, and it wasn’t the first time. If I can’t have an honest conversation with them about it, what good is that? I don’t want to sound like a victim, I want to be able to talk candidly and honestly, and I am unable to get that from anyone I know. This person acts like a great friend sometimes, but I also get that general impression from time to time, and it really bothers me. They’re so closed off. I really should move on.
Why do you say I sound “like a victim”? All I want is a good friend. Someone who’ll let me just be a part of their life. Someone to just do things with whenever. Someone to confide in. Or just someone who’ll ask me how my day has been, and answer me the same question. Are these not the qualities you’d expect of a friend?
This day has been exhausting.
I think the problem’s that your idea of what a friend should be isn’t really a universal. I mean most people see a pal as someone they can hang out with to have fun or share adventures. You’re looking at it as a tie in to something more key and more emotionally supporting. Something deep and anchored in real meaning. Something very true and trusted strong.
A lot of friends wouldn’t really get that.
If you’ve had that kind of connection with this person and now that light’s off? Then I don’t necessarily think you need to move on. I think maybe you just need to give them a bit of space so they can feel less weight. I mean it’s a strain to carry emotional need. It’s a strain to bear someone else’s pain. It’s heavy sometimes. Sometimes it’s all we can do to get ourselves along fine. Sometimes hearing someone else’s problems or needs at the wrong moment can be exhausting. Sometimes it can use up what is really only a small reserve of empathy or understanding that usually takes a while to recharge. And I mean sometimes that well’s good and deep? But it can still be fed from a really slow trickling stream. If it’s tapped a couple times too often? It can run dry before it can refill.
It doesn’t mean they don’t care in general? And it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t give you more time and attention at a different moment in time. Sometimes it’s just the timing of your need and the timing of their ability to give you what you need are just not in sync.
I’d say care for them in the way you want them to care for you. In a true way. In a deep way. In a patient and understanding way.
Then you’ll help them recharge. And that’ll help them help you all the faster.
Peace Handman. I honestly wish you and I were closer. I see in you the kind of pal I’d honestly appreciate.
Truly.
