Instead of using stronghold, I would also suggest just “base”. Keep it simple, or, “fortress” if you’re feeling a callback. “hidden/secret Imperial fortress”, “hidden/secret Imperial base”.

Also, I would probably say “THE evil First Order”. “An” doesn’t 100% work since you are using a proper noun. I would also suggest an adjective like “mysterious” maybe.

Also, the third paragraph works well, although I don’t think it is very clear in the film that the New Republic supported the Resistance. The original crawl does say so, but from how it is portrayed in the film, it seems the opposite. Why would Leia doubt that the NR would be believe her, as the deleted scene shows, if they put her in charge of this proxy militia? You would think they would take their information seriously.

I think you have suggested in the past crafting something to show the New Republic responding to the Resistance’s call for help, so maybe it would work with something like that.

Seeing the tree-library in her vision is a cool idea! Definitely agree with that.