logo Sign In

The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 98

Author
Time

Hey Leo. Why do you feel that way man?

K. Let’s have this ride.

Author
Time

Hello Trident, it’s been a while hasn’t it?

Well, I’ve been suffering with depression for quite a few years now (seven I think), and been seeing a doctor for it, close to two years more or less. Time has become such an elusive concept for me…

I’ve recently turned 30 and have no dream, no purpose, nothing. I still have to figure out who the heck I am, with all that entails.

The only job I had managed to hold for a little while was almost a complete waste of my time because, as feared, no contract, and what little money I did get soon became too small a sum for me to have it worth my while. And I mean it, last offer was like 20 bucks a week in cellphone top ups only (!!), almost full time. I said so long pal.
It was good while it lasted. It did teach me a few things. But it wasn’t for long, as there was little to no money in it, and certainly no personal satisfaction.

I always think I’m letting my friends down. I am. I don’t deserve my friends.

Lately I have been staying up awfully late which has had the consequence of making it even more difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning, as if I didn’t feel like I wanted to die already.

Author
Time

Sorry to hear all that man. Small comfort but you’ll always have us to lean on.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Thanks Frink. I’m so sorry I was away without a word for so long. Initially I think it was just to avoid TFA spoilers, then the months came and went and apparently we circled around the sun twice.

Author
Time

Have you tried getting a job that isn’t your dream job but it’s still a job? I mean shit the cashiers at Walmart start at 11 bucks an hour these days and their only real qualification is a clean record, anything is better than nothing and Walmart has a way of becoming your family.

Author
Time

Possessed said:

Have you tried getting a job that isn’t your dream job but it’s still a job? I mean shit the cashiers at Walmart start at 11 bucks an hour these days and their only real qualification is a clean record, anything is better than nothing and Walmart has a way of becoming your family.

well, I don’t have a dream job to begin with. I’ve tried my area of expertise, so to speak, which I’ve inherited in a way from my father. I’m good at it, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. I knew I was getting into it just because I was absolutely desperate and needed something to do, and I saw first hand how much of an unfulfilling, lousy, tiring, unappreciated job it is. I could’ve tolerated it for a while if it wasn’t for the fact that, at best, I earned 50 bucks a week. People were taking advantage of me in different ways, and it got messy and ugly and then the money went bye bye, with the only option remaining being mobile top ups. Which if you knew how much time and work I invested in that lousy operation, you’d realize how insulting that felt. I understand, no more sponsors. So long then.

It isn’t so much finding another job now, as it is getting out of the house. I only go out every once in a while, I walk a few blocks, get groceries, and back home.

The thought of any sort of responsibilities, honestly, makes my brain crash and reset. File not found.

Cashier? I’d be lousy at it, and I’m not exhaggerating. Besides there’s no Walmart where I’m from.

I’ve been trying to find satisfaction and fulfillment any way I can. Cooking, so far, has been the only sparkle in a black void.
You see, whenever I do anything I think I’m crap at it, even if people tell me I’m good. My brain will always tell me that everything I do is terrible.
But when I cook, I can taste what I’ve cooked and hey, it isn’t half bad! So if other people tell me the cake I’ve made is very good, and I taste it and it tastes very good, then it would logically follow that I’ve made something good for once!

Author
Time

Well you need a job. Not just for money but it will also make you feel immensely better about yourself whether you think it will or not.

Author
Time

I know what you’re up against buddy. I mean I’m just a few years older than you and really going nowhere fast. The only differences is I sort of lucked out with some better jobs I sort of fell into. But none of it has anything to do with what I want. And what do I want? No fucking clue.

But as far as your skill in cooking goes? Why not look around to see who needs a chef? I mean that must be a job that needs doing around your town now and then?

Anyway. Really good to reconnect man. It’s been a long spin out of this site for me too. Nice to be back home

K. Let’s have this ride.

Author
Time

not sure if i should be posting this here or in the bitching thread, but here goes:

first of all i should provide some backstory. summing it all up: i love this girl, and i’ve been loving her for a while now. thing is, we were in a relationship before and i fucked up pretty bad. i stopped answering her phone calls and her text messages, stopped talking to her. and she was extremely sad about it, she wasn’t expecting it. i had my reasons, but damn it, i fucked up bad. once i realized that, i went crawling back to her. what happened was she gave me a second chance and the relationship was stable and perfect once again. then… the same thing happened. for the same reasons. i started ignoring her again and acted like a dick.

so basically what’s happening now is, she’s giving me a third chance. third time’s a charm. but this time, i feel like i truly love her. like, for real, i love her with all my heart. i loved her with all my heart the other two times as well, but i feel as if i didn’t want to admit that to myself then. now i do, and i’m pouring my heart and soul into the relationhip. and because of that, i’ve never been happier and she’s just the brightest spot in my currently happy life.

or at least that’s how things go 50% of the time.

the rest of the time is a bit of a pain for me. i’m constantly afraid of losing her, not to someone else, but because of me, because of my demons. not only that but she doesn’t trust in me comitting to a relationship with her anymore - given the recent events between us. so i’m trying extremely hard for things to work out nicely and that has been exhausting me. but i feel like it’s the least i can do;

i’m not jealous, mind you, but i’m just so afraid of losing her. this time our relationship is different. it’s not that purely happy thing anymore. i’m not even sure if she still likes me, or if she wants this. i really don’t know and i’ve been suffering because of that.

another thing is that she’s basically a better version of me. we like the same stuff, we like doing the same stuff, but she’s better at everything. i try comparing myself to her, because i admire the f out of her, but i always end up in the same situation - thinking i suck. and that has been killing me. i always think i’m not enough for her - which is true in several ways (even though she insists i am enough for her).

i don’t know guys. i just feel bad. i feel like i’m not enough for her, like i don’t do nearly as many things to help her as she does to help me, like i could lose her at any point during the day. i’m 100% commited, i’m on her hands. she decides wether she keeps this going or not. like, really. and it feels weird to be on someone else’s hand, and it feels bad when you know that 3 words from that person could destroy your world.

so yeah, that’s pretty much it. i’m scared guys. very scared.

Author
Time

You need to stop thinking so much and just be.

The thing you need to remember is she likes you for you. Stop trying to complicate the simple by over-guessing. Just relax into who you are and shrug off the rest.

Easy advice to give.

Hard advice to live.

But you need to try. Over-thinking things is poison

K. Let’s have this ride.

Author
Time

thanks trident. it’s just that i don’t think she likes me as much anymore, or that she doesn’t want to like me as much anymore (half the time). i almost feel like i’m in a platonic relationship yet again - only this time because i fucked up twice already. i don’t know. i just feel pretty bad. but i’ll try to follow the advice.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

I was going to say something long and winded but Trident pretty much nailed it. Don’t worry so much. Just enjoy what you have and be yourself. If you do end up losing her, it’s actually won’t the end of the world, even if it might feel like it. Let whatever happens happen.

Also, if it means that much, tell her exactly how you feel. Awkward but important.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Trident said:

You need to stop thinking so much and just be.

The thing you need to remember is she likes you for you. Stop trying to complicate the simple by over-guessing. Just relax into who you are and shrug off the rest.

This. So very much this.

DominicCobb said:

Also, if it means that much, tell her exactly how you feel. Awkward but important.

And this.

TV’s Frink said:

chyron just put a big Ric pic in your sig and be done with it.

Author
Time

DominicCobb said:

I was going to say something long and winded but Trident pretty much nailed it. Don’t worry so much. Just enjoy what you have and be yourself. If you do end up losing her, it’s actually won’t the end of the world, even if it might feel like it. Let whatever happens happen.

Also, if it means that much, tell her exactly how you feel. Awkward but important.

Word. Overthinking will always lead you to disaster.

I mean look at Anakin Skywalker. Just chill, live life, enjoy.

Keep Circulating the Tapes.

END OF LINE

(It hasn’t happened yet)

Author
Time

Apparently the only girl I’ve ever had a real relationship with got married today.

It’s not really a big deal - it’s not like I ever wanted to get back together with her or anything, I haven’t even talked to her in a couple of years - but it made me realize that I’ve been single for more than double the length of my relationship with her.

So now I’m depressed and feeling like I’m destined to be alone for the rest of my life and all that. You know, the usual.

Stupid Facebook…

Author
Time

A girl I was dating once had a kid with some other guy a few years after we broke up and that was a weird feeling at the time.

Keep Circulating the Tapes.

END OF LINE

(It hasn’t happened yet)

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Yeah. I know how it is. I haven’t seen a girl I was in a pair with for over a year. Haven’t talked to her in over 8 months. We were close for a long time.

Today I happened to log in to a game we used to play a lot together. Haven’t played it in ages. Neither has she. After a couple rounds and just as I was ready to sign off she logged in.

Man.

It was tough keeping off the temptation to talk. But a promise is a promise.

So I logged off wordless.

And spent the rest of the day wishing I hadn’t.

K. Let’s have this ride.

Author
Time

Tyrphanax said:

A girl I was dating once had a kid with some other guy a few years after we broke up and that was a weird feeling at the time.

Yeah, that is a weird feeling. I was just glad the kid wasn’t mine.

The Person in Question

Author
Time

moviefreakedmind said:

Tyrphanax said:

A girl I was dating once had a kid with some other guy a few years after we broke up and that was a weird feeling at the time.

Yeah, that is a weird feeling. I was just glad the kid wasn’t mine.

As far as you know. 😉