I really like that shot, I think as RogueLeader suggested, speeding it up to standard and cutting out before the crossfade wouldn’t be a bad idea and just may work (emphasis on 'may’). I love the act of throwing away the lightsaber, but I hate how casual it was in the theatrical film, hopefully something different can be pulled off.
Something I’ve been meaning to bring up for a while but never got around to are these two very minor problems in the film that I haven’t seen mentioned anywhere: 1) A quick cutaway to the Dreadnought captain after Poe yells “Bring the bombs” 2) When Poe asks Leia for permission to “Hop in an X-Wing and blow something up”.
The first change would be to remove that quick 6-second cutaway to the First Order Star Destroyer crew after Poe blows up the last turret. The only dialogue in that moment inside the Dreadnought is an officer saying, “Sir, Resistance bombers approaching!”, and Captain Kennedy responding with “Of course they are”. It’s redundant information. We just heard Poe whoop in delight and say that bombers are coming, why would someone say the same thing a second later? It’s extraneous, and cutting from Poe saying “Bring the bombs” to the Resistance theme accompanied by the slow pan-up of the bomber fleet is just great.
The second one has bothered me on rewatch. The First Order has tracked the Resistance through lightspeed, and Snoke’s personal Star Destroyer has too. Finn says something to tune of “If we jump through lightspeed to escape, they’ll just be right behind us. They’ve got us”. Poe looks down for a beat, says “Not yet they don’t” and then the Resistance theme starts up, and we see him rush out of frame. The problem is that in the theatrical cut, he stops to have his “Permission to…” joke. Sure, it’s kind of funny, and I laughed at it, but it doesn’t jive with Poe’s character at all. The film repeatedly shows and tells us that he’s a hotshot that doesn’t listen to rules. In fact the scene immediately before this one tells us that same thing. So for him to stop and ask Leia a question just seems kind of silly. If you cut this joke out, the shot order is now “We’re trapped”>”Not yet they don’t”>Poe leaves the frame>BB-8 rushes to catch up with Poe>X-Wing Pilots running to the hangar bay.
Sorry for the long post, however in every edit I’ve seen of the film thus far, both of these lines are included and it’s been bothering me. They’re very minor changes so it would be easy to pull off.
EDIT: That looks pretty fantastic Snooker, a bit more tweaking and it’ll be flawless.