Yep that is an improvement. I think what sticks out is the moTHER part of it. The reason is the word goes up, which makes a “jump” to the next word/ original face of “once thought…” So if there is a way it sounds more like “YOUR MOther once that…” I think that may help it. So maybe a source that goes down on sounds/quotes with “ther” or “er” maybe is what’s needed?
I hope that make sense?
I updated my post after a couple of minutes with a new version, does this apply to the version that is linked now? Because it goes up on “MO” and down on “ther” (MOther). I feel like he should emphasize that word. But I adjust the intonation digitally so it can be shifted around.
AH, I see! Yep, I downloaded the audio file prior to the updated post. That is a big improvement as well.
I am curious, if possible depending on the scene is to have a bit of a more gap between mother and once? I am not sure how possible that is with the original scene, but I think a bit of space between those two words would help polish it. Again, that depends on if it would be too hard to do with the scene adding a split second or so on the dialogue.