Man I miss drinking. Having something to look forward to, having a barrier between me and the world, protected from things that hurt. Being able to ignore my inner feelings and just be okay for a few hours instead of being constantly depressed with no respite like now. I still have pot but despite the stereotypes doesn’t really offer the same emotional distance or apathy. If anything for me it makes me feel everything more intensely, which can be a double edged sword. It helps deal with some issues by making me confront them which is nice, and also of course makes fun activities more fun, but man are the down times rough. I’m way off track now, but I really miss the numbness of drinking. And I really miss my girlfriend. It’s highly possible we’ll be able to get back together again in the future (Its a very unique and specific circumstance I don’t want to get into on here), and I really hope so because God do I love her, but I also don’t really want to believe we will just because it’s unhealthy to live that way and will only make it harder if we don’t. I wish I could just have a drink and not think about it for a while. Instead I have a smoke and got fixated on thinking about it. But now I do feel somewhat better and feel like doing something more fun and it’s not making me sick, so I guess it’s got that going for it over alcohol.