Watched your edits:
Poe’s Intro - The idea of having NO conversation between Poe and Hux, this can work, with Hux being puzzled by a lone light fighter and NOT firing on it right away since the X-wing boost happens right away. I would also like to see an edit that trims the conversation as opposed to eliminating it all the way. However, this does stand on itself very well.
Maz Convo - Any reduction to this scene is a plus. Nicely done!
Fathier Escape - Same view with the Maz Convo. I would have to watch it again, but man, if there was a quick scene of the kid looking up to the Fathier and smirk … then it cuts to the tea cup rattling … that would be great.
I agree that it works better with a shot of the kid looking up at the fathier, but I couldn’t get the audio to transition as smoothly doing that. I’m sure someone else who is better at these things will be able to figure that out.
Ending with Post-Credit scene - I REALLY like the idea of a post credit scene with the kid. I am not sure if the actually ending works right … it doesn’t seem right to me since it seems rushed.
Also agree there. It’s a little rushed.
For the ending, you can let the score play out as intended instead of cutting early. It builds to a nice climax and then you can quick cross-fade audio to the credits. I was able to do it and it plays very convincingly.
You will need to make a small audio cut somewhere inconspicuous to get it to line up right with the video.
EDIT: Also, make sure the credits music comes in at the very end of the wipe. That’s how the films do it, and it really helps to sell it as authentic.