Only issue with the deleted scene is that IIRC, you can tell that Luke is inside his hut during the daytime and not at night which is the time that his scene telling how he contemplated killing Ben was taking place at.
I thought of this too, it’s far from perfect, but when we cut back to Ach-Tu after Luke’s duel with Kylo, it’s sunset. Then again, with your proposed edit of moving Yoda’s scene to after Kylo declares himself Supreme Leader (which is a terrific idea by the way), the Yoda scene is at nighttime. I’ll have to think about this some more.