Whether this is “abuse” is debatable – there are those who think that any sex between an adult and a minor is abuse, whether consensual or not, and regardless of who was the pursuer. There are those who think it is a grey area (probably most think that, including me). And, there are those who think the law should be a lot more permissive.
However, I found the movie’s dealing with this issue to be manipulative (to the viewer). By making the characters seem SO different in age, and by making the parents SO approving and hands off - while being portrayed as highly educated and enlightened, it made me wonder exactly what the movie’s message was supposed to be. The guy was a guest in the parents’ home, and was pretty rude and aggressive. And he was doing their son. It is very, very strange that they didn’t even question whether it was “ok”, or whether their son was even ok with it. Is the message that this is how parents should be? Is that really good?
Other similarly-themed stories include the parents being livid - or at the very least worrying, regardless of whether or not the story sympathizes with the protagonists.
If he was 18 would we even be having this conversation? Genuinely curious.
As for the parents, we only see Elio’s perspective. Who knows what conversations they had about the relationship and whether they were 100% on board throughout.
Sexual relations between adults and children are illegal; it is not ‘just a number’. Spend enough time around abused children and the devestating ramifications of such ‘relationships’ and the reasons for such laws become painfully clear. 17 is still under age, it is still against the law regardless of how you feel about this particular issue. It is not ok simply because they are ‘in love’, it is an adult taking sexual advantage of an underaged minor.
If you like the movie for its art or its coming of age themes etc, go for it but that doesn’t change the legality of the relationship, which even if it was consensual, it still statutory rape.
It literally isn’t illegal though.