My mother began pressing me to talk to her tonight. She seems to think I’m still depressed (I am, but I can’t let her know that I’m too bad). She tried to convince me to stay home at a local university this fall, but I don’t think I can make myself stay. Then again, if I leave, I don’t think I’ll survive. My gay ass deserves to rot. I don’t see what the point in living is, I’m never truly going to be happy, I’m never going to let myself for one reason or another.
Hey coffee. That must be one of the toughest situations… I don’t really know what to tell you. I am going to say that we’re all here for you, but that doesn’t really help.
Please don’t give life up, it’s the greatest gift one could receive (from god, if you believe in such things). From all that you’ve posted here in the forum that I’ve seen I can tell you’re one hell of a smart guy, and very kind too. You’re a nice person, a person that I’d love to know IRL and have a friendship with. And I only know the unhappy you, which really makes me wish I knew the happy you.
Some friends of mine also have trouble telling their parents the truth sometimes because their parents are incomprehensible to say the least. That was never the case with any of my gay friends, so to hear that incomprehensible religious parents have a gay depressed child in you makes me want to just hug you and tell you that everything is going to be all right.
And everything is going to be all right, coffee.
Please believe that.
About college, is it possible for you to go to a smaller school where you know a close friend of yours is going? Sorry if the suggestion is absolutely absurd - the college system in the US still confuses me a little bit. But maybe a smaller school could be nicer than a big one, less overwhelming, more personal classes, get to know people… And if the situation is so bad at home, try to leave, as hard as it may seem. Even if you don’t, I believe in you, and I believe that you can. Yes, you can. I believe that you can go out there and conquer the world instead of die trying.
Your gay ass doesn’t deserve to rot, quite the opposite. Like I said, you’re a wonderful person from what I’ve seen so far and I honestly think it’s safe to say that I’ve seen enough to be sure that I am right. Don’t say things like that, it’s almost as if you’re either convinced of it or is trying to convince yourself of it. Please don’t. You’re more than that and I wouldn’t want you to think otherwise.
I can’t ask you much, but I will ask you to believe that things will get better and that you’re a very nice guy that doesn’t deserve to rot.
Finally, I wanted to say how sorry I am for basically talking and talking and not saying anything really impactful… but know that I’m sending you much love. For real. I hope you eventually see a purpose in life coffee, even if not because you, but because you’ll be making other people really happy, which doesn’t seem to hard given how likeable you are.
Hoping for the best. Hang in there, bud. 😉