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The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 86

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Bingowings said:

Hi fellas. Progress update. Last Wednesday I came back from the South of Englandshire. I hadn’t slept much for days worried how things would turn out. It’s quite a long journey back on the train 7ish hours so very tired. My now ex partner pressed me for details so I told him about the mental health problems and that I had to leave him if I were to get better. He was sober to start with was very apologetic. Got progressively drunk and tearful and asked me to stay and talked about leaving me his money in his will and feeling suicidal. I managed to steer him to his bedroom to sleep it off. The next day was my first day at work. When I got home my now ex was spending the night in Edinburgh with someone else. So I tried to cheer myself up by using social media.The silence got to me and the magnitude of what I had just done had got to me and I noticed something. The people I know on Twitter with a mental health background or training all had me on mute. Including people I considered friends. Real friends responded and a few random strangers but not these particular people who know what’s been going on. I felt very let down and humiliated. And I found myself looking at a packet of sedatives and thinking I could take half of one and sleep or take all of them and sleep. Thankfully those that did answer helped me decide the right course. But despite sedation I only got a couple of hours sleep. Next morning I had to go to work. I felt like a zombie. I had to take long bus journey and on the way I had a complete meltdown. Uncontrollable tears on a mostly full bus and nobody asked if I was okay. Just ignored. When the ex got home he decided that it would be for the best if he got an extension built to the house so I could have space. I reminded him that I was leaving. The next day I checked a couple of flats in Glasgow. I picked one and paid the holding fee. Letting a flat is much more complicated than it was so I need to get credit checks and references together. So I had to go through the weekend in the same house as my ex and the drinking resumed as did the shouting and the muttering of obscenities as he passed my bedroom door. As before help came not from the people I expected to help but from others. Fast forward to today. I called one of our volunteers at work to try and get some forms filled. She has bipolar disorder and I discovered she has been detained in hospital over Christmas and New year. So my first thought is to visit her. Then I think a card from everyone at the office would be a nice touch and might lift her spirits. So I get one and circulate it. And there is this one chap and he is umming and arring about signing the card because he doesn’t know her well. Bear in mind this is for a lady who gave the office a huge box of chocolates for Christmas with no stipulation as to who should or shouldn’t eat them. She’s got a known mental health problem and she’s in a mental health ward and the guy is our mental first aider and one of the people muting me knowing my problems. So I just felt really let down there. I got him to sign the thing under duress and went to visit her. She loved the card regardless she looked withdrawn and distant when I arrived and really perked up by the time I left. When I got home my ex was very helpful and supportive so that was better. TLDR I am single, I have a flat sorted. And I’m a bit wiser about who my friends are.

Hello bingo. I’m unaware of who you are or what you’re really going through (besides of what you said in the post) because I’m new here. However I can see you’re a really nice person, and that alone would make me wish all and only the best for you. Given that you’re also going through hard times, those feelings that you should only get the best intensify. I’m not religious, but I’ll pray for you. I truly hope things get better for you, and they will. Really.
Hope you, and everything, get better to you.

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suspiciouscoffee said:

Hey everyone, life is shitty, so it’s time for a rant!

For nearly ten years, my parents forced me to compete in local swim teams. I always hated it, and was always vocal about it, but they didn’t care. Not too long ago, they finally let me quit. All it took was the threat of suicide, which I was seriously considering at the time for several reasons. Today, I was guilted back into swimming by my sobbing mother who just wanted to see her little boy finish his senior swim season.

In other news, I’ve suddenly fallen pretty hard for a guy. He’s probably straight, but even if he isn’t, any relationship I pursue with him would result in my execution and subsequent trip to hell. I continue to daydream nonetheless, and hope God has mercy on my soul whenever I do die.

I also need to apply for college scholarships, because I still haven’t done that.

I can relate to the college stuff, but I’m clueless as to how you’re feeling going through the rest. I believe we’ve argued and disagreed in the TLJ thread, but know that even though we’ve never talked before, you have a friend in me, if you need. I’m sending you all my best wishes, and I sincerely hope things get better for you coffee. Really.

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I’m sorry you have to go through this, Bingo, but it really seems like you’re headed in the right direction. And I’m very sorry for the way you’ve been treated by those you thought were in your corner. You deserve better than that. Fuck them.

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Collipso said:

Bingowings said:

Hi fellas. Progress update. Last Wednesday I came back from the South of Englandshire. I hadn’t slept much for days worried how things would turn out. It’s quite a long journey back on the train 7ish hours so very tired. My now ex partner pressed me for details so I told him about the mental health problems and that I had to leave him if I were to get better. He was sober to start with was very apologetic. Got progressively drunk and tearful and asked me to stay and talked about leaving me his money in his will and feeling suicidal. I managed to steer him to his bedroom to sleep it off. The next day was my first day at work. When I got home my now ex was spending the night in Edinburgh with someone else. So I tried to cheer myself up by using social media.The silence got to me and the magnitude of what I had just done had got to me and I noticed something. The people I know on Twitter with a mental health background or training all had me on mute. Including people I considered friends. Real friends responded and a few random strangers but not these particular people who know what’s been going on. I felt very let down and humiliated. And I found myself looking at a packet of sedatives and thinking I could take half of one and sleep or take all of them and sleep. Thankfully those that did answer helped me decide the right course. But despite sedation I only got a couple of hours sleep. Next morning I had to go to work. I felt like a zombie. I had to take long bus journey and on the way I had a complete meltdown. Uncontrollable tears on a mostly full bus and nobody asked if I was okay. Just ignored. When the ex got home he decided that it would be for the best if he got an extension built to the house so I could have space. I reminded him that I was leaving. The next day I checked a couple of flats in Glasgow. I picked one and paid the holding fee. Letting a flat is much more complicated than it was so I need to get credit checks and references together. So I had to go through the weekend in the same house as my ex and the drinking resumed as did the shouting and the muttering of obscenities as he passed my bedroom door. As before help came not from the people I expected to help but from others. Fast forward to today. I called one of our volunteers at work to try and get some forms filled. She has bipolar disorder and I discovered she has been detained in hospital over Christmas and New year. So my first thought is to visit her. Then I think a card from everyone at the office would be a nice touch and might lift her spirits. So I get one and circulate it. And there is this one chap and he is umming and arring about signing the card because he doesn’t know her well. Bear in mind this is for a lady who gave the office a huge box of chocolates for Christmas with no stipulation as to who should or shouldn’t eat them. She’s got a known mental health problem and she’s in a mental health ward and the guy is our mental first aider and one of the people muting me knowing my problems. So I just felt really let down there. I got him to sign the thing under duress and went to visit her. She loved the card regardless she looked withdrawn and distant when I arrived and really perked up by the time I left. When I got home my ex was very helpful and supportive so that was better. TLDR I am single, I have a flat sorted. And I’m a bit wiser about who my friends are.

Hello bingo. I’m unaware of who you are or what you’re really going through (besides of what you said in the post) because I’m new here. However I can see you’re a really nice person, and that alone would make me wish all and only the best for you. Given that you’re also going through hard times, those feelings that you should only get the best intensify. I’m not religious, but I’ll pray for you. I truly hope things get better for you, and they will. Really.
Hope you, and everything, get better to you.

Thanks Collapso.
It’s a big step to move on my own to a pretty big city where I know almost nobody. So I’m pretty nervous anyway and I’m already aware of my deficiencies. I don’t need them reinforced by someone at work who is young enough to my child for heaven’s sake. It’s 2:40am and I still can’t sleep and I have work in the morning with this chap. Part of me wants to find out what’s going on and ask him but another part of me wants to keep my dignity intact.

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Bingowings said:

Part of me wants to find out what’s going on and ask him but another part of me wants to keep my dignity intact.

Maybe you can do both.

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suspiciouscoffee said:

Hi again. I’d like to thank everyone for the well wishes, and return such wishes, especially to Bingo right now.

Some new developments have come up recently with Phil, which is not his name, but what I will call him for the remainder of this post. I came out to Phil a couple of days ago. Crush notwithstanding, we’ve been good friends for a while and I figured it was okay to tell him. He said he already suspected for a while, which struck me as odd, as all my other irl friends who are currently in-the-know seemed to be surprised by my coming-out. Phil went on to say that he had-and I promise, I’m not making this up-been analyzing my sense of humor for months and reached the conclusion that I wasn’t straight. The next day, I apologized for coming out (I apologize for everything regardless of whether I have any reason to, it’s a thing). He replied by saying, “no, no, this is good!” and gave me a surprisingly enthusiastic smile and thumbs up.

He never said anything about his own sexuality, though. Maybe I’m looking too hard into this out of desperation, but straight guys don’t tend to analyze their bros’ sexuality, right? That isn’t exactly a “no homo” thing to do. Also, a mutual friend told me Phil’s never seemed interested in girls, and they’ve known each other years longer than I have.

So now I just… ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

I do not know what kind of advice I could give you coffee, but I really hope for the best. What I can tell you is that several friends of mine turned out to be gay, and I had absolutely no idea that they were before they told me. Speaking for myself, it’s not something I find noticeable or particularly try to notice on purpose.

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Good luck everybody. I’m glad for you, coffee. Stick with it, Bingo.

I’m gonna cry myself to sleep tonight. Gonna see that friend tomorrow for the weekly group game night. It’s all I have right now. At least, that’s the way it feels. If anyone told me I’d be where I am today three years ago, I’d have never believed you. Or I’d have tried to do better.

I’m sick of having good days and bad days. The good days are incredible. The bad days are devastating. I’m not unintelligent. I’m not sure how I got here.

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suspiciouscoffee said:

Maybe I’m looking too hard into this out of desperation, but straight guys don’t tend to analyze their bros’ sexuality, right? That isn’t exactly a “no homo” thing to do.

Is it not? Sometimes, someone can have an eccentric personality in some particular fashion and straight people might wonder (privately or amongst themselves) whether that person is gay.
I’ve known that to happen a couple times regarding friends of mine.

TV’s Frink said:

chyron just put a big Ric pic in your sig and be done with it.

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My father asked if I was gay at least twice.

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suspiciouscoffee said:

Hi again. I’d like to thank everyone for the well wishes, and return such wishes, especially to Bingo right now.

Some new developments have come up recently with Phil, which is not his name, but what I will call him for the remainder of this post. I came out to Phil a couple of days ago. Crush notwithstanding, we’ve been good friends for a while and I figured it was okay to tell him. He said he already suspected for a while, which struck me as odd, as all my other irl friends who are currently in-the-know seemed to be surprised by my coming-out. Phil went on to say that he had-and I promise, I’m not making this up-been analyzing my sense of humor for months and reached the conclusion that I wasn’t straight. The next day, I apologized for coming out (I apologize for everything regardless of whether I have any reason to, it’s a thing). He replied by saying, “no, no, this is good!” and gave me a surprisingly enthusiastic smile and thumbs up.

He never said anything about his own sexuality, though. Maybe I’m looking too hard into this out of desperation, but straight guys don’t tend to analyze their bros’ sexuality, right? That isn’t exactly a “no homo” thing to do. Also, a mutual friend told me Phil’s never seemed interested in girls, and they’ve known each other years longer than I have.

So now I just… ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

You’re in a situation where you could easily ask him his orientation “just because you’re curious” and keep your feelings to yourself depending on how he answers. Based on the context now he may not suspect it as anything but a question.

The Person in Question

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I misjudged the situation with my co-worker. I waited for a private moment and raised the matter and I upset him while doing so to the point of making him tearful. I justly feel guilty and crappy for it and all the apologies in the world wouldn’t be enough to rectify how wrong I have been. He is a great guy and my current confused state is no excuse. I just hope to learn from the situation.

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It’s shocking how all of my friends seem to care so little about me. I don’t know. I feel empty and alone.

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Handman said:

It’s shocking how all of my friends seem to care so little about me. I don’t know. I feel empty and alone.

For what it’s worth and I appreciate it’s not the same, but we are here. When you aren’t well it’s like looking into bathwater with baby oil on the surface. The whole view is distorted. Things that seem so insignificant when you are well are magnified and the truly important things are obscured and hard to make out. If your friends don’t notice your discomfort you might need to tell them about it as it might feel obvious to you but be utterly invisible to them. If after that they don’t care, well what sort of friends are they? Make new ones if you can but if it’s currently too exhausting, vent your woes elsewhere while whatever you need to do to get a purchase on the problem is kicking in. Life is short, stand as tall as you can and the best people will notice your courage.

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Bingowings said:

Handman said:

It’s shocking how all of my friends seem to care so little about me. I don’t know. I feel empty and alone.

For what it’s worth and I appreciate it’s not the same, but we are here. When you aren’t well it’s like looking into bathwater with baby oil on the surface. The whole view is distorted. Things that seem so insignificant when you are well are magnified and the truly important things are obscured and hard to make out. If your friends don’t notice your discomfort you might need to tell them about it as it might feel obvious to you but be utterly invisible to them. If after that they don’t care, well what sort of friends are they? Make new ones if you can but if it’s currently too exhausting, vent your woes elsewhere while whatever you need to do to get a purchase on the problem is kicking in. Life is short, stand as tall as you can and the best people will notice your courage.

I agree with this.

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Bingowings said:

I misjudged the situation with my co-worker. I waited for a private moment and raised the matter and I upset him while doing so to the point of making him tearful. I justly feel guilty and crappy for it and all the apologies in the world wouldn’t be enough to rectify how wrong I have been. He is a great guy and my current confused state is no excuse. I just hope to learn from the situation.

If you feel comfortable answering, how come he had you blocked?

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Warbler said:

Bingowings said:

I misjudged the situation with my co-worker. I waited for a private moment and raised the matter and I upset him while doing so to the point of making him tearful. I justly feel guilty and crappy for it and all the apologies in the world wouldn’t be enough to rectify how wrong I have been. He is a great guy and my current confused state is no excuse. I just hope to learn from the situation.

If you feel comfortable answering, how come he had you blocked?

He said he didn’t so I have to take him at his word but it doesn’t really add up but it’s not really important. What is important is I need no validation from the outside to defend what I am on the inside. I know this when I’m well but it can be the first thing to be forgotten when I’m not. This weekend is very strange. Cooked food for my ex and myself. Watched our favourite television shows but as soon as my character reference is printable the forms to let my new home will be sent. Strange is my new normal.

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Bingowings said:

Warbler said:

Bingowings said:

I misjudged the situation with my co-worker. I waited for a private moment and raised the matter and I upset him while doing so to the point of making him tearful. I justly feel guilty and crappy for it and all the apologies in the world wouldn’t be enough to rectify how wrong I have been. He is a great guy and my current confused state is no excuse. I just hope to learn from the situation.

If you feel comfortable answering, how come he had you blocked?

He said he didn’t so I have to take him at his word but it doesn’t really add up but it’s not really important.

Seems strange.

I know this when I’m well but it can be the first thing to be forgotten when I’m not.

I think kinda know how you feel in that regard.

This weekend is very strange. Cooked food for my ex and myself. Watched our favourite television shows but as soon as my character reference is printable the forms to let my new home will be sent. Strange is my new normal.

Well, I hope things get less strange for you and that things get better for you.

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Handman said:

My father asked if I was gay at least twice.

If it’s any consolation, literally the same thing happened to me with the person I thought was my father.

Handman said:

If anyone told me I’d be where I am today three years ago, I’d have never believed you. Or I’d have tried to do better.

I’m sick of having good days and bad days. The good days are incredible. The bad days are devastating. I’m not unintelligent. I’m not sure how I got here.

Are you in a better place now or worse compared to three years ago?

I think I know what you mean about good and bad days.

The blue elephant in the room.

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Mrebo said:

Are you in a better place now or worse compared to three years ago?

Three years ago… would be 2015 now. January 2015. Hmm… That’s tough to answer. I had a clear objective at the time, which I don’t really have anymore, but I was surrounded by toxic personalities, which I don’t really have anymore either. I was doing things and felt respected. Now I have no clear goal, no power, and I’m not sure who my friends are, but at least no one is malicious towards me. It’s a tossup.

I think I know what you mean about good and bad days.

Severe mood shifts based on insignificant details? I feel like George Costanza.

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ray_afraid said:

Possessed said:

I’ve been in your shoes man. Get whatever closure you need, and cherish the memories, but get out of there. Trust me. The sooner you move on the sooner your can be happy with somebody that wants that with you and then the painful sad memories can turn into fond distant memories. Trust me.

yes yes yes

Also I’m glad I didn’t do this. We’re both somewhat socially awkward so we can at least help each other out here. She’s very thoughtful and sweet. Plus she knows the only other person I know here.

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Several years ago I was in a bad place. My work situation improved and that helped a lot. The mental part takes work even then. If it means doing something radical (I moved to a city where I only knew one person and took a low level job) or finding professional advice, it’s worth it if you are in a better place three years from now.

The blue elephant in the room.

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Mrebo said:

Several years ago I was in a bad place. My work situation improved and that helped a lot. The mental part takes work even then. If it means doing something radical (I moved to a city where I only knew one person and took a low level job) or finding professional advice, it’s worth it if you are in a better place three years from now.

This is the situation I find myself in. I’m moving to Glasgow where I don’t know anyone really well and it’s the first time in my life I’m moving to A) a big city and B) a place I haven’t lived before in on my own. So there are layers of anxiety there but also the potential for a new start.

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Bingowings said:

Mrebo said:

Several years ago I was in a bad place. My work situation improved and that helped a lot. The mental part takes work even then. If it means doing something radical (I moved to a city where I only knew one person and took a low level job) or finding professional advice, it’s worth it if you are in a better place three years from now.

This is the situation I find myself in. I’m moving to Glasgow where I don’t know anyone really well and it’s the first time in my life I’m moving to A) a big city and B) a place I haven’t lived before in on my own. So there are layers of anxiety there but also the potential for a new start.

Morning, Bingo. I hope it’s the new start you need. Cutting old ties can allow for new growth. It’s hard enough to break my own bad habits without worrying about how others are influencing me.

The blue elephant in the room.

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I have hardly had time to post much over the past several days. However, I have been reading about the struggles here in this thread. I consider you all friends to some degree, even if we have never met in real life. I apologize for not being able to offer more personalized words of support, but believe me when I say that I am touched by your troubles and hope that things will look brighter in your futures.