It took me awhile to get the courage to contact the guy who I had previously believed to be my father. Then, like now, I wanted to know what I came from. I approached it as something of an intellectual exercise. Like you, TK-949, I tend to suppress what I feel. In our one meeting, that guy behaved rudely, which was in line with what I had been told, and I didn’t take it personally. We never communicated further, though he promised to send me genealogy information. It was an unfulfilling exercise and so it didn’t feel entirely settled.

What I have learned about my father indicates good qualities, which makes this in some ways scarier than before. Yet I don’t fully know what I hope for. I’m not very close with family and other people that I encounter now. I’m friendly, but not affectionate or effusive. And this here is the probably the most opening up I’ve done on this topic to anyone. To paraphrase Han and Collipso, I could probably use a good hug. Let’s say a metaphorical hug.

I can see that he has been on the site intermittently. I’m going to try to put the right words together.