Lines I suggest be cut are in [brackets]. Lines I wish were never imagined in [[double brackets]].
---
(Padme enters. Anakin is tinkering with something. He is obviously very disturbed.)
- I brought you something. Are you hungry?
- The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things. I'm good at fixing things. [Always was.] [[ But I couldn't. Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have! ]]
- Sometimes there are things noone can fix. You're not all powerful [Ani]. [I cut "Ani" because of overlap with next line.]
- [[ Well I should be! Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful Jedi ever! I promise you! I will even learn to stop people from dying! ]]
- [ Anakin!?! ]
- It's all Obi-Wan's fault! [[ He's jealous! ]] He's holding me back! [Can insert "Anakin!?!" instead of "He's jealous!"]
- What's wrong Ani? [Or alternatively, replace this line with "Anakin!?!"]
- [[ I ... ]] I killed them. I killed them all. [They're dead. Every single one of them.] [[ And not just the men. But the women. And the children too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them! ]]
(He sits on the floor. Padme crouches beside him.)
- I'm a Jedi! [I know I'm better than this.]
(Padme consoles him.)
I don't think you can cut this scene entirely, as I agree that it's pivotal to show his gradual change. I enjoyed this scene, but I see that it could be "streamlined", for lack of a better word. I think that one of the worst lines here is Amidala's "What's wrong Ani?" Keep in mind that this comes right after his mother dies. It seems a little insensitive and out of place for her.
...there's another scene like that where Yoda says "seeing you again brings warm feelings to my heart." ...and she just ignores him.
How is it that the whole fanbase can see these little oddities about the forced speech, but trained editors and filmmakers can't?