Cartman: Thank you. [turns a page up and over. A schematic of George Lucas's Skywalker Ranch is shown] Our intelligence tells us that the original negative to Raiders of the Lost Ark is currently somewhere in George Lucas's house. We need to find and usurp that negative.
Man 3: And if we get a hold ot the negative they can't change the movie?
Stan: That is our understanding.
Woman 2: [a blonde] Sounds like a good idea to me. I don't want them to change Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Crowd: YEAH!
Skeeter: Yeah! We should go get that negative as soon as we get Hat free!
Crowd: YEAH! [the signs go up] Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
Kyle: [rusn to the mic] Nonono! We need to do this first.
Woman 2: But we have to free Hat.
Stan: It's just that, you know, he killed twenty-three babies.
Man 4: Well yeah, but it was in self-defense!
Crowd: YEAH!
Cartman: He... killed... twenty-three babies in self-defense?
Skeeter: Hat was attacked maliciously and unprovoked by a gang of babies in West Town Park. When that many babies get together they can be like piranha.
Man 5: Three eyewitnesses testified that if Hat hadn't killed those babies, they'd have killed him!
Crowd: YEAH! [the signs go up] Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
Stan: Alright alright. But right now we've gotta focus on getting those original prints of Raider
Skeeter: He's right. We'd better split up. Some of you go with the boys and get those film prints, the rest of us come with me to go talk to the governor about freeing Hat.
Crowd: YEAH! [the signs go up and the crowd moves out. Not one of them stays with the boys] Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
Stan: Well, it looks like we're gonna have to do this ourselves.
Tweek: No! Not this! I'm out! I can't deal with the stress you guys create! [walks off the stage]
Kyle: We're just gonna fly to California and break into George Lucas's house. What's stressful about that?
Tweek: Hwaaah!
Cartman: [rushes up to stop Tweek] Okay, Tweek, let me tell you something: You've been our new friend now for two weeks, okay? And I've gotta be honest with you, it isn't going well.
Tweek: Haaah!
Cartman: People aren't that into you, Tweek. They find you kind of annoying. Now, I say you've got one last shot here, and I don't want you to blow it, okay? Does that help take the stress off?
[Skywalker Ranch, night. Inside the camera gets a view of Lucas's library. Among the items there are various props from his Star Wars films, four Emmys, four Oscars... the door opens and a flashlight scans the room. Stan, holding the flashlight, walks in with the other boys]
Stan: Okay, go. [the other boys, with their own flashlights, pour in]
Tweek: [trying to stay composed, with eyes closed] I'm breaking into George Lucas's house. I'm not breaking into George Lucas's house. I'm in a green field.
Cartman: [draws near] Stop, Tweek! This is not the time for faggocity! [walks off]
Kyle: [eyeing a prop] This looks like the right room.
Tweek: I'm in a field... surrounded by deer.
Stan: [finding the video library] Over here! [the other boys join him at the stacks. They see "Star Wars Episode 1, Version 300," "Star Wars Episode 1, Version 301," "Star Wars Episode 1, Version 302," etc., then "First Day of School" and "First Day of School, Digitally Enhanced," then "Wedding Video" and "Wedding Video, Digitally Enhanced." The camera scans past "Kids First Swimming Lesson" and "Kids First Swimming Lesson w/ Digitally Enhanced Weather" to stop at the reel of "Raiders of the Lost Ark, Original Negative 1982."]
Kyle: That's it!
Cartman: Alriiight! Get it, Tweek!
Tweek: Huh uh.
Cartman: Get it, you piece of crap, before I grab your nutsack and twist it!
Tweek: Guh huh huh! [walks off and returns with a stool. He climbs up on it and gets the reel canister. The door opens behind the boys and the lights go on]
George Lucas: What are you doing?! [the boys turn in horror]
Tweek: Oh God! Oh Jesus!
George Lucas: You're the boys from that ...stupid club. Give me that! [grabs the film reel from Tweek]
Tweek: [hops off the stool] Aaaaaah!
Kyle: Do with us what you will, Mr. Lucas! [goes down on his right knee] But please, don't change Raiders of the Lost Ark.
George Lucas: We're gonna make it better. The movie's gonna be changed, and that's that!
Cartman: Alright, you asked for it. I'm afraid you leave us no choice. It's time for Plan B.
Stan: Aw, really?
Tweek: Oh God, no! Not Plan B! [Lucas looks at the boys quzzically]
Cartman: [beat] You have a heart made of ice, Mr. Lucas, and so we're goin' tuh melt your icy heart... with a cool island song. Gentlemen? [the boys reach for the left side of their bodies and rip off their clothes. Underneath they wear colorful Latin outfits and grin.]
George Lucas: [confused] ...What??
Cartman: Hit it, Tweek! [Tweek goes over to a boombox and presses the play button, then returns to the group. Caribbean music plays] In the tropical isle with the coconut tree, there's a lots of-
Stan: Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. I thought we were gonna cool his hot heart with a cool island song.
Cartman: ...No, he has an icy heart.
Kyle: ...But you can't melt ice with a cool song, 'tardheart.
Stan: So we have to warm his icy heart with a "hot" island song
Cartman: It's a cool island song.
Kyle: Well then we're gonna end up freezing his hellish heart with a cool island song.
Cartman: Oh, do we wanna do that?
George Lucas: ALRIGHT, that does it!
[Skywalker Ranch, day, Lucas's living room. The boys stand behind Lucas as he talks on the phone with someone]
George Lucas: [listening] Yes, thank you, officer. [hangs up and walks around the boys] The police are on their way, boys. [stops and faces them] Soon you'll be in jail getting RAMMED!
Tweek: [freaks out] Aaaahh!
Stan: Those rams can do to us what they will, Mr. Lucas, but we'll never stop trying to protect films. [Lucas looks at them]
Kyle: It's not too late to do what's right. Give us the print. There's still some good in you, Mr. Lucas. We know there is. [Lucas hangs his head in shame and turns away]
George Lucas: It is... too late for me, boys.
Kyle: You yourself led the campaign against the colorization of films. You understand why films shouldn't be changed.
George Lucas: M-that's different. These are my movies. I made them, and I have the right to do whatever I want with them
Stan: [steps forward] You're wrong, Mr. Lucas. They're not your movies. They're ours. All of ours. We paid to go see them, and they're just as much a part of our lives as they are of yours.
Kyle: When an artist creates, whatever they create belongs to society
George Lucas: Have I... become so old that I've forgetten what being an artist is about?
Stan: Give the print to us so that we can protect it from Spielberg and anyone else who wants to alter it.
George Lucas: [turns and approaches them] Perhaps... you are right. [presents the reel to Stan, but a door opens...]
A Voice: STOP! [Lucas is startled and the camera pans to Steven Spielberg and three guards] What are you doing, George?!
George Lucas: Steven, Uh, I-
Steven Spielberg: Give me that print, George! We need to make the alterations!
George Lucas: Steven, these boys had a point. I don't remember what it was, but it was good.
Steven Spielberg: You haven't let these do