I love the idea of changing any of the dialogue throughout this battle as almost all of it is garbage. (I also heavily agree with you on having them jump at almost the same time.) I’m not too sure that particular line fits but I do love how you spliced it in with the video near perfectly.

EDIT: Oh lol I didn’t see there were two videos posted. As for the opening one, I like the idea of some of it, I just think it needs some reordering. I’d remove Anakin telling Obi-Wan not to ‘turn against me’ as that line doesn’t really make any sense. Also, I’m not sure Obi’s ‘Come back to the light!’ line works either, (not once in the entire prequel trilogy does anybody actually mention the light side as an actual thing) however, I’d keep Anakin’s ‘It’s too late. You’re too late.’ line and just have him say it while the shot is on him as his back is turned. Then you can cut to Obi-Wan when he gets his saber out.