So I’ve had some better days, but it’s still hard and I’m so tired of constantly fighting my own thoughts. Yesterday was Christmas, today was a rare pretty good day at work, yet I still feel so miserable. I’ve been neglecting my therapy because of the chaos of the holiday season, and need to get back to it, but I’m simply not putting in the work there either. That’s not my therapist’s fault; that’s my own fault. And as much as I kick and scream, at the end of the day, that’s down to me. And I simply am not putting in the effort necessary no matter how much I claim I want to feel better. I need to find some kind of mental kick in the ass for myself, or just get my head out of my own arse.

EDIT: With the compulsions spiking, I just ventured into really nasty parts of the anti-religion stuff like Eucharist desecration, blasphemy challenges, etc. I vote every time to uphold the rights of people to do this and will continue to do so. It’s important and vital that these people be allowed to express these views, and they have to be able to offend me for free speech to be able to work. But man, I have just seen some serious human ugliness, and I feel mildly angry, rather unclean, and even a little sick.