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Post #1148706

Author
Finnius
Parent topic
Episode VIII : The Last Jedi - Discussion * SPOILER THREAD *
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/1148706/action/topic#1148706
Date created
25-Dec-2017, 9:08 PM

apparently I sorta got the first one right…lets see if my other predictions pan out…

Finnius said:

“Official” Star Wars 8: The Force Unleashed Spoilers

  1. Chewbacca returns to Tatooine as captain of the Millenium Falcon, after the death of Han Solo. There, he recruits 2 first-mates. They are Heckle and Jeckle, 2 irascible brothers whose antics cause no end of trouble and laughter for poor Chewbacca. They will be CGI, and look sort of like wombats.

  2. Leia will become much more integral to the plot of “Force Unleashed” as she and her servant/companion, Beurre (another cgi-created character) enter the plotline. Beurre is a talking animated butter-dish, whose singing and positive attitude will delight children and adults of all ages. (Disney approved)

  3. Luke and Leia will explore and fully realize the “forbidden love” aspect of their relationship, in a desperate plan to revitalize the jedi ranks by creating children, and then multitudes of clones of those children. These new younglings will, however, have some forms of retardation, due to the in-breeding.

  4. As you know in real life, the character named Finn came under legal dispute by Finnius, a handle that had been used by ME since before the days of WWW, back with Arpanet and BBS. After clearly showing in court that I had been called “Finn” or “Finnius” since 1981…I was allowed to take over the role of Finn for all remaining movies. I will be digitally changed to blackface in the movie to keep continuity for the franchise. Finn will become the love interest of Rey, while the both of them begin Jedi training under the new Jedi Master.

  5. The new Jedi Master, Jar-Jar Binkenobi takes Rey and Finn under his wing, training them in the ways of the New Jedi Way…which includes pie-fights, prat-falls, eye-pokes and other distracting techniques to foil enemies. (it is rumored that a final battle between Jar Jar and Luke is in the script for episode 9, although Mark Hamill refuses to speak of anything, due to a gag order in his contract)

  6. R2-D2 somehow regains his repressed memories of serving Darth Vader AND Luke Skywalker, and immolates himself in a courageous act of remorse. C-3PO, distraught over his lovers’ death, vows to never love again. Beurre eventually cheers him up with song and dance, and by the end of the movie C-3PO bravely announces his homosexual programming to the rest of the cast.

  7. Kylo Ren dons armor, (much like Darth Vader) and his voice is augmented to match exactly to Professor Snape (from the Harry Potter series). Hearing of Luke and Leia’s romance, he vows to find HIS lost sister so that he can ALSO produce a horde of sith-children…and the race between the 2 factions for control of the galaxy begins.