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The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!) — Page 6

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 (Edited)

MalàStrana said:

I think your crawl is far too complex and contains too much information (a first time viewer wouldn’t understand half of it, especially in a movie which is a sequel to an episode where everything seemed to be resolved).

This is actually my issue with the original Force Awakens crawl:

Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen from
theashes of the Empire and
will not rest until Skywalker,
the last Jedi, has been destroyed.

In the first paragraph we are told about Luke Skywalker, the First Order, the Empire, and the Jedi. That’s a lot of information for a first-time viewer, and we are never given any indication of what the Jedi do or why they are so important. But I can understand why we might need to retain the line about the fallen Empire.

Here’s a version that explains a bit more:

The galaxy is in peril.
Rising from the ashes
of the fallen Empire,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Without the protection of
the mystical Jedi Knights,
The Republic is blind to this
deadly threat. Only General
Leia Organa, haunted by
visions of impending doom,
mobilizes a small Resistance.

On a mission to a distant
world, one of her pilots has
found a clue to the location
of Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope against
the forces of darkness…

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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NeverarGreat, just watched your hyperspace jump video. That works really well (loved the exit shot and the faint hyperspace drive failure sound effect. That works perfectly). The only thing i would suggest is to shorten the shot when it jumps to hyperspace. That shot is a little too long and i feel it would work better if it jumped slightly earlier.

ANH:REVISITED
ESB:REVISITED

DONATIONS TOWARDS MATERIALS FOR THE REVISITED SAGA

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NeverarGreat said:

MalàStrana said:

I think your crawl is far too complex and contains too much information (a first time viewer wouldn’t understand half of it, especially in a movie which is a sequel to an episode where everything seemed to be resolved).

This is actually my issue with the original Force Awakens crawl:

Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen from
theashes of the Empire and
will not rest until Skywalker,
the last Jedi, has been destroyed.

In the first paragraph we are told about Luke Skywalker, the First Order, the Empire, and the Jedi. That’s a lot of information for a first-time viewer, and we are never given any indication of what the Jedi do or why they are so important. But I can understand why we might need to retain the line about the fallen Empire.

Yeah but we know who is Luke, what was the Empire (5 movies prior to this one about the Empire ! Soon 6… 7… 8… etc.) and we are familiar with the Jedi. I’m not a fan of TFA crawl but at least the first paragraph explains why the victory at the end of ROTJ is long forgotten and that some kind of neo Empire is back in business.

(I can’t believe I’m defending something written by JJ Abrams…)

Here’s a version that explains a bit more:

The galaxy is in peril.
Rising from the ashes
of the fallen Empire,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Better ! But I would remove “the galaxy is in peril”.

Without the protection of
the mystical Jedi Knights,
The Republic is blind to this
deadly threat. Only General
Leia Organa, haunted by
visions of impending doom,
mobilizes a small Resistance.

Very complex again, and what you be the payoff of “Leia’s visions” in your cut ?

On a mission to a distant
world, one of her pilots has
found a clue to the location
of Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope against
the forces of darkness…

Seems like you just more or less rephrased the last sentence of the original crawl.

Sorry if I’m nitpicking, writing a crawl is a very difficult exercice (where is Brian de Palma when we need him !).

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Would it work if the crawl doesn’t talk about the Starkiller Base? Then you’d be able to explain how the First Order got to where it’s at without cramming too much information into the crawl. Maybe instead of talking about Leia being haunted by her visions of Starkiller, and that being what prompted her into action, just talk about how she thinks the First Order is a threat more so than anyone else, a threat that needs some sort of resistance to fight against it. And the version of the last paragraph I liked the most was the one that started with “While on a daring mission…”

Sorry if I made some terrible mistake grammar-wise, English is not my first language. :S

Looking forward to your edit NeverarGreat!

PS: loved the little clips you have already, especially the hyperspace one Adywan commented about. 😉

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 (Edited)

MalàStrana said:

DigMod tried a reduced version that was almost totally convincing (he might have cut a little too much but overall it was better than the theatrical cut without creating continuity issues).

In my opinion DigMod’s version of rathtars is the best we can get (without causing any continuity issues). Chewie just needs to take one for the team and that’s about it. 😄

About the scene itself: the rathtars devour all of Kanjiklub in a matter of seconds but for some reason one of them starts dragging Finn somewhere? Why, oh why? Also… what a way to waste the talent of the Raid cast.

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I feel like there must be a mention of the base in the crawl, since otherwise it feels like the Starkiller comes out of nowhere halfway through the movie. Force Visions are going to be more prevalent in my edit, so I think there would be some payoff to establishing them here.

I agree that it’s still too complicated and full of information. Reading the Star Wars crawl yet again, I see how it tells a story in miniature with the battle, the plans, and the chase. The original TFA crawl tried something similar with Luke as the focus, but I think it was rather sloppy. Here’s Luke again, though not mentioned by name:

The last of the Jedi Knights
has vanished. In his absence,
a sinister FIRST ORDER has
risen from the fallen Empire,
constructing a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Haunted by visions of this
deadly threat, General
Leia Organa mobilizes a
covert Resistance to search
for her long-lost brother,
now her only hope to save
the new Republic.

Sent on a daring mission,
Leia’s most trusted pilot
has discovered a clue
to the last Jedi’s fate,
while far overhead,
evil approaches…

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

Hm I hadn’t thought of that, good point. And I like this crawl even though it still feels like it has too much information sometimes. But it’d be hard to make one that doesn’t since it’s set over 30 years after where we left off, and you have to set everything up. Great job Neverar.

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NeverarGreat said:

MalàStrana said:

I think your crawl is far too complex and contains too much information (a first time viewer wouldn’t understand half of it, especially in a movie which is a sequel to an episode where everything seemed to be resolved).

This is actually my issue with the original Force Awakens crawl:

Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen from
theashes of the Empire and
will not rest until Skywalker,
the last Jedi, has been destroyed.

In the first paragraph we are told about Luke Skywalker, the First Order, the Empire, and the Jedi. That’s a lot of information for a first-time viewer, and we are never given any indication of what the Jedi do or why they are so important. But I can understand why we might need to retain the line about the fallen Empire.

Here’s a version that explains a bit more:

The galaxy is in peril.
Rising from the ashes
of the fallen Empire,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Without the protection of
the mystical Jedi Knights,
The Republic is blind to this
deadly threat. Only General
Leia Organa, haunted by
visions of impending doom,
mobilizes a small Resistance.

On a mission to a distant
world, one of her pilots has
found a clue to the location
of Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope against
the forces of darkness…

I personally like your crawl and the amount of info it contains. One of my gripes with the original cut of the movie is the lack of information provided: in contrast to the prequels, we don’t understand the politics of the galaxy. What is the relationship between the Republic and the First Order? Where did this super weapon come from? Your crawl answers many questions in relatively few words, so I am pleased with it.

I do have two questions for you based on your crawl: you mention a weapon that can devour entire stars, yet it never does that. I came across this old post of mine, and I wonder if you’d considered a different, non-Death-Star-rehash approach to the Star + Killer Base.

darth_ender said:

darth_ender said:

  1. Distinguish the Starkiller from the Death Stars. I think this shouldn’t be too difficult. It’s name is “star” + “killer” after all, and besides a reference to early Star Wars concepts/Luke’s original last name, it could easily be changed to a weapon much like the Centerpoint Station of the old EU, which was stationary but fired a powerful beam at distant stars and caused them to supernova. I imagine a little technical wizardry could easily fire that beam at a star instead of the planet, cause a supernova (witnessed from the ground of Hosnian Prime), and have the supernova destroy the system. Meanwhile, remove our heroes actually witnessing this from Takdona.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Centerpoint_Station

So someone (definitely not me) edited this idea before TFA came out on BD/DVD. This individual used a bootleg, it is obvious, but has most certainly purchased the BD since. I believe the individual was afraid to share this idea due to it being made from a bootleg, but he reassures me he pre-ordered the BD from Amazon which arrived on the official release day. He hopes the fact that he did not feel like re-editing this with good footage will not cause a problem. This is just to pose an interesting idea.

Did I mention this is not me?

https://vimeo.com/216267742

Password: SKB

My other question for you is this: do you think you can squeeze one last piece of information into that crawl? To get such a big actor as Max von Sydow to play Lor San Tekka, have him in such a crucial role as supplying the map to Luke Skywalker, and then kill him off without providing any backstory to him or the village, I feel it was a disservice, and it confused me right away. I feel the fact that his membership in the Church of the Force alone would have interesting enough to fill this hole for me, but without that mention, it’s a disappointing introduction.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Lor_San_Tekka

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Church_of_the_Force

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I am ok with the crawl containing more information, thus making them a little bit longer.

It is really needed. The movie has a HUGE gap between the original trilogy to it. After watching the movie for the first time, it was hard to understand the plot/politics between the Republic, Resistance and the First Order. Having the crawl help satisfy that would be much appreciated and needed.

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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ray_afraid said:

I think the movie should do that, not the opening text.
Too late for that I guess.

I agree it should do that, but alas it does not very well.

You kind of need the crawl to explain why the republic does not view the first order as a threat. I mean … It’s the “new” empire, why would they NOT be weary of them? I kind of feel like there needs to be something that mentions the republics either denial or inability to confront the first order.

That was my view the first time watching it … why would the republic NOT be wigging out about the First Order?

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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I got it! You had a url with a google docs/whatever that has a read me that has an extended opening crawl paragraph to explain everything.

I know, its genius!

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

Author
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The last of the Jedi Knights
has vanished. In his absence,
a sinister FIRST ORDER has
risen from the fallen Empire,
constructing a weapon that
can devour entire stars.

Haunted by visions of this
deadly threat, General
Leia Organa mobilizes a
covert Resistance to search
for her long-lost brother,
now her only hope to save
the new Republic.

On a daring mission to the
high priest of the Church of the Force,
Leia’s most trusted pilot
has discovered a clue
to the last Jedi’s fate,
while far overhead,
evil approaches…

I modified the third paragraph to sort of show what I think might be good. It’s just an idea, but I’m curious about your thoughts.

Likewise, what do you think about the Starkiller’s weapon. It would serve much like the Starbuster/Centerpoint Station in the Corellian Trilogy from the old EU.

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Even when I first saw the movie, I thought that the journey to Luke should have been longer. After all, the map shows a lot of twists and turns, so I imagine there would be some obstacles and pit stops on the way to that remote island. With that in mind, here’s a very rough idea of how this could be implemented:

https://vimeo.com/247210517
Password: rey

There’s not nearly enough footage for this to be feasible yet, but perhaps by the time this trilogy is over I can revisit the idea 😉

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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There could be more footage to use in the future to help implement that.

Granted, you could always leave it as is and let the audience use their imagination. 😉

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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Time
 (Edited)

NeverarGreat said:

Even when I first saw the movie, I thought that the journey to Luke should have been longer. After all, the map shows a lot of twists and turns, so I imagine there would be some obstacles and pit stops on the way to that remote island. With that in mind, here’s a very rough idea of how this could be implemented:

https://vimeo.com/247210517
Password: rey

There’s not nearly enough footage for this to be feasible yet, but perhaps by the time this trilogy is over I can revisit the idea 😉

This doesn’t make sense to me. If they have the the complete map, they would be charting a route through Hyperspace to avoid these sorts of obstacles. As romantic as it is on paper, It would make no sense for Rey to exit Hyperspace at any point during the journey.

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I guess it depends on how Hyperspace works, and if you can change direction without falling back to sublight speed. I imagine that Luke got to the Jedi sanctuary by going from planet to planet and studying the age of any ruins, searching for clues, and so forth. Anyone who followed this path would have to fall back to real space any time they encountered a planet and calculate the next jump even if they knew the ultimate destination, since there would be a planetary mass directly in the way of this route. Any deviation from this precise path and they might fly right through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova and that would end their trip real quick wouldn’t it? 😉

I’ll probably never have enough material to implement the change anyway.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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I always assumed you plot a precise course beforehand and then the navicomputer does the work of executing that course, including any turns and changes in direction you had input, but you’re right that it’s not clearly defined in the movies. However, it seems to me like characters rarely exit hyperspace to change direction when traveling from point A to point B. I can’t think of a single example in the movies.

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I know that making several jumps to evade pursuers happened quite a bit in the EU novels. There is no mention of this in the movies of course, but even if there were multiple jumps on a single trip one would assume that they would have been ‘edited out’ for time and efficiency. There is also the matter of Hyperspace trade routes, which are definitely a thing in the Prequels. I imagine that these would be single-jump trips that are deemed very safe and widely used, implying that there are less-safe and little-used routes. That’s what I imagine this one is, necessitating a great deal of care and dropping back at every turn to scan for potential obstacles.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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It always seemed to me that the hyperspace routes were sort of roads and highways in the Star Wars Universe, and that going without the precise calculations to go to those specific coordinates, you could end up flying into a star or something (this would also explain why they didn’t leave Hoth on the other side of the planet, etc). I don’t think that they go out of light speed to “make turns” though, but implementing your idea without doing that would “pointless”.
However I think it’s still possible to travel outside of these routes, but it would be a lot more dangerous, etc.