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Post #1138996

Sir Ridley
Parent topic
TFA: A Gentle Restructure
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Date created
6-Dec-2017, 9:09 AM
Last modified
6-Dec-2017, 9:10 AM
Edited by
Sir Ridley
Reason for edit
None provided

Kexikus said:

Sir Ridley said:

Here is my final cut, including music:
pass: hux

I believe this music works fine, and I would personally prefer to only use John Williams’ music if possible. But this is how the scene plays out now, so you can make something for it.

Sounds very seamless to me. The only criticism I have is what I posted before. It should either start with Hux telling Snoke of the Republics destruction or if the intention is to imply that they talked about that off-screen, then Hux shouldn’t start with “Supreme Leader, …” as that sounds like the first sentence of a conversation.

Understandable, but in Hal’s words from last page: “I totally agree that such dialogue would be great to have there, but I don’t think the existing material to work with yield something worthy of inclusion.”

I don’t know if it would be good to imply that they’ve been talking by seemingly beginning in the middle of a conversation because either way the left out conversation is still just in our “headcanon” and audiences watching wouldn’t necessarily come to the conclusion that they had that exact conversation just by leaving out “Supreme Leader”. And the imagined left out conversation can still make sense with how it’s presented now.