A gloomy, cold Sunday with nothing better to do than watch a box set is what happened to me today. So now it’s time for another Mark’s Down On Your Syntax wall of text review post! Yay!
A Nightmare On Elm Street - It’s cheap and flimsy-looking today but it’s got so much good stuff going on, a classic as far as I’m concerned - 5 marshmallow staircases out of 5.
Part 2, Freddy’s Revenge - It’s as daft as a brush and sometimes doesn’t stick to its own rules but it’s fun enough and gets an extra point for all that gorgeous subtext - 3 possibly-gay-teens out of 5.
Part 3, Dream Warriors - Best storyline in the series and some of my favourite effects work too. Also it has a young, buff Larry Fishburne… if you’re into that (I’m into that.) - 4 tall, wide-shouldered black men out of 5.
Part 4, The Dream Master - As much as there is to like, there’s just as much to dislike. But somebody gets turned into a bug and then squashed in a trap so it’s hard to come away unhappy - 3.3 HE-directed-this-'s?! out of 5.
Part 5, The Dream Child - Ironically, I fell asleep half an hour in. I was not murdered, however, and upon waking I rewound the blu-ray and resumed watching this poorly stitched together series of good ideas. I give it 1.5 Ah Ha music video rip-offs out of 5.
Part 6, Freddy’s Dead - Way more bonkers and daring than it gets credit for, if you’ve never seen it or it’s been a while give it a watch and you might find yourself enjoying it. I give it 3.5 Freddy’s Dads out of 5.
Wes Craven’s New Nightmare - It’s got some pacing problems which I can’t quite put my finger on but it’s a clever, deft piece of self-referential moviemaking that deserves attention from more than just horror fans. Don’t like Freddy’s new look though - 4 terrifying playground climbing frames out of 5.
Freddy versus Jason - Everything and the kitchen sink thrown at you whether you want it or not. Barmy story, beautifully ghastly kills, great practical effects (and some cgi which hasn’t aged too badly) and overacting of THE HIGHEST calibre. Monica Keena’s performance in the scene in the high school corridor about half an hour in is a thing of pure beauty. Absolutely, ironically and seriously my favourite of the lot - 5 seemingly inappropriate Chinese directors who turned out to be awesome out of 5.
I didn’t watch the remake with Rooney Mara because I don’t own it.