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TFA: A Gentle Restructure (Released) — Page 48

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That’s great! 😄 I only have a few tiny problems with the sound. First, when she says “immediately”, the beginning of the word is a bit odd. It’s a bit long so it sounds like “eeemidiately” or perhaps “idimediately”. And the background rumbling connected to her words could be extended so they don’t start and stop as she speaks. And then after she says “insane” it’s as if the background noise drops out for a bit and then kicks back in just before “or maybe they do”.

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I know I said this last time, but I can’t imagine tweaking it to be any better than this:

https://vimeo.com/244452730
password: listen

The word “immediately” was originally part of a larger sentence, “…find BB8 immediately…” and I cannot get it to sound any better than NeverarGreat did. The space between this word and, “Our future may depend on it,” actually had to be spaced out a little, making it very difficult to smooth over the background noise without a very distinct and jarring repetition (like when a digital audio file glitches).
I was, however, able to fix the problem with the “insane” line and think that portion of the scene sounds pretty good now.
To my eyes, the colors look beautiful, but if NeverarGreat desires to try to tweak them further, I will use whatever is deemed best.

My stance on revising fan edits.

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 (Edited)

Could you (Hal) upload the separate audio channels? Or at least the center dialogue channel and the background sound (preferrably without music). I’d like to see if I can do anything with it.

I’ll upload an uncorrected version when I have time.

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Man, you talented folks are amazing!

my only tiny issue is the same as Ash, those 2 wipes, one right after another are a little weird to me. A wipe is a signifier of the transition of time IMHO and i think a hard cut would be better. but this is not my edit so…

“You can’t polish a turd. But you can shape it to look like candy.”

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 (Edited)

Hal 9000 said:

The deleted scenes have no surroundsound, they are presented in stereo. That’s where a lot of the trouble comes in. There’s just nothing else to work with.

Right, could you upload your edited stereo file then? With music separate. What I would do is use audio editing software to extract a center channel from the stereo file and then make separate tracks for dialogue and background noise that can be edited individually and mixed to proper surround sound.

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 (Edited)

Here’s a link for you, Ridley: https://www.dropbox.com/s/bcknvhoxwl22ype/Leia deleted scene edited audio for Ridley.zip?dl=0

I’ve included three tracks:

  • Already existing audio from the film (leads into and back out of the sequence)
  • Music added from the soundtrack (presented for you in 5.1, though it’s just the stereo OST in channels 1 & 2, the same thing a little quieter in channels 5 & 6, and both stereo channels put into channel 3)
  • Added dialogue/FX track (I used NeverarGreat’s provided audio for the first part, crossfading into my own handling of the deleted scene audio between “immediately” and “our future may depend on it.” Presented in true stereo, not in contrived 5.1, which would have featured both channels mashed into channel 3.)

From this thread you also have access to NeverarGreat’s provided audio and the raw deleted scene audio, so I wish you luck! Thanks for being willing to pursue this rabbit trail.

My stance on revising fan edits.

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 (Edited)

edit sorry using phone tonight… obvious posting issues!

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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Yet another great improvement Hal. Wow you guys are fantastic!

“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”

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 (Edited)

On a different note, and maybe for V3, is the issue of the First Order knowing the location of the Resistance Base. This will still need to be explained somehow. Previously I’ve tried to include a scene where Hux talks to Snoke after the Oscillator attack and they decide to destroy the Resistance. However in addition to requiring all-new Hux dialogue this has the issue of diminishing one of the benefits of this edit which differentiates itself from ANH.

Another solution would be to rearrange some scenes so that both the Republic and the Ileenium system are potential targets at the same time. Here’s how it could work:

(Optional) Move the first Snoke scene (and the reveal of the Starkiller) to just after the introduction of Leia. This makes more sense anyway, since the Finalizer should have been hunting for the Falcon instead of returning to base for a few lines of exposition. The scene would play out exactly as before except without the line “The droid we seek is on board the Millennium Falcon in the hands of…”. The reason for moving this is so that Snoke’s dialogue is re-contextualized to imply that he knows about Kylo’s abandoning of the droid.

Hux goes to oversee preparations, and the Starkiller charging sequence happens just before Rey’s interrogation, with the target being the Republic as usual.

After the interrogation, the scene with Snoke would be similar to the theatrical version:
“The scavenger resisted you!”
“She is strong with the Force! Untrained but stronger than she knows.”
“Ren believed that the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.”
“Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker.”
“We have their position. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.”
“Good. Then we will crush them once and for all.”
“Supreme Leader. I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.”
“If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.”

Finally, keeping the 30 seconds to fire scene with Hux would clearly establish that the weapon was still operational, and had enough juice for another shot.

I can think of several more benefits to this rearrangement. First, Snoke is not being kept in the dark about Kylo’s abandoning the quest for the droid - Hux merely hammers home the point that Ren’s plan had failed. Second, the choice of which planet to destroy first is left ambiguous and it’s reasonable to assume that the decision would be left in Hux’s court. This gives the character real consequences for his hubris, since he was aware of the threat posed by the Resistance and destroys the Republic first anyway. Third, since there are now two planets at stake, a first-time audience may be truly worried for Leia’s fate, especially if they know that a major character is killed in the third act. Fourth, the extended Hosnian destruction sequence would gain a new meaning as characters on D’Qar realized that they might be victims of the first firing.

Finally, the decision of Hux and the ambiguity of the target system could not happen with ‘another Death Star’ - this dramatic situation could only occur with this type of hyper-lightspeed weapon. In other words, the Starkiller might finally live up to its potential in this edit.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Awesome idea! Even if HAL doesn’t go for it with Restructured, you should definitely use that for your Starlight edit.

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 (Edited)

This is my personal opinion, but might provide solid pinpoints in term of where me and my friend lose interest in the story - and therefore probably a lot of other people that find TFA boring or lacking in any way. I’ve seen TFA six times in total now, and fell asleep twice at the very same segment.

The faulty scene is when they arrive at Takodana (?). The movie just crushes down. It drags, it gets boring - we meet an uninventful Yoda-like creature, we are introduced to a very lacking and boring battle scene. And Rey runs 10 miles into the forest like some bad scene from a Disney movie.

I don’t what can be done to improve this as I’m never going to tackle this with a fanedit myself (lack of interest), but this is where me and my Star Wars geek friend lose all interest in the movie, and start bashing it for faults.

WHAT HAVE I DONE?
The Ancient Lore
Kenobi: A Star Wars Story
Harry Potter Revisited
Game of Thrones Film Edits
Titanic Restructured
… and more.

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NeverarGreat said:

On a different note, and maybe for V3, is the issue of the First Order knowing the location of the Resistance Base. This will still need to be explained somehow. Previously I’ve tried to include a scene where Hux talks to Snoke after the Oscillator attack and they decide to destroy the Resistance. However in addition to requiring all-new Hux dialogue this has the issue of diminishing one of the benefits of this edit which differentiates itself from ANH.

Another solution would be to rearrange some scenes so that both the Republic and the Ileenium system are potential targets at the same time. Here’s how it could work:

(Optional) Move the first Snoke scene (and the reveal of the Starkiller) to just after the introduction of Leia. This makes more sense anyway, since the Finalizer should have been hunting for the Falcon instead of returning to base for a few lines of exposition. The scene would play out exactly as before except without the line “The droid we seek is on board the Millennium Falcon in the hands of…”. The reason for moving this is so that Snoke’s dialogue is re-contextualized to imply that he knows about Kylo’s abandoning of the droid.

Hux goes to oversee preparations, and the Starkiller charging sequence happens just before Rey’s interrogation, with the target being the Republic as usual.

After the interrogation, the scene with Snoke would be similar to the theatrical version:
“The scavenger resisted you!”
“She is strong with the Force! Untrained but stronger than she knows.”
“Ren believed that the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.”
“Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker.”
“We have their position. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.”
“Good. Then we will crush them once and for all.”
“Supreme Leader. I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.”
“If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.”

Finally, keeping the 30 seconds to fire scene with Hux would clearly establish that the weapon was still operational, and had enough juice for another shot.

I can think of several more benefits to this rearrangement. First, Snoke is not being kept in the dark about Kylo’s abandoning the quest for the droid - Hux merely hammers home the point that Ren’s plan had failed. Second, the choice of which planet to destroy first is left ambiguous and it’s reasonable to assume that the decision would be left in Hux’s court. This gives the character real consequences for his hubris, since he was aware of the threat posed by the Resistance and destroys the Republic first anyway. Third, since there are now two planets at stake, a first-time audience may be truly worried for Leia’s fate, especially if they know that a major character is killed in the third act. Fourth, the extended Hosnian destruction sequence would gain a new meaning as characters on D’Qar realized that they might be victims of the first firing.

Finally, the decision of Hux and the ambiguity of the target system could not happen with ‘another Death Star’ - this dramatic situation could only occur with this type of hyper-lightspeed weapon. In other words, the Starkiller might finally live up to its potential in this edit.

I was able to interact with this idea some this morning. When implementing it, I did not find it useful to make the changes suggested that involve Kylo Ren and Snoke dancing around the issue of the droid, so I left these alone.
For the two Snoke scenes, this means I actually would not need to change anything at all from the theatrical, unless I change the first scene’s position. (Though this would be difficult to do without making for a less-than-perfect scene transition or two.)

So, for this experimental structuring, I left the first Snoke scene exactly as the theatrical version has it, including its position directly after the rathtar sequence. Hux advocates for using the weapon to destroy the Republic, and is given the OK.
[Han Solo and company go to Takodana, they meet Maz, Rey runs off into the woods, the First Order kidnap Rey, and Han speaks with Leia.]
[All the stuff at the Resistance base takes place, from our spruced up deleted scene to Han and Leia talking about their son and wanting him back.]
Then, we transition to Hux delivering his speech and the weapon begins charging.
CUT to Ren interrogating Rey. As in the theatrical, this scene cuts to the second scene with Snoke, Ren, and Hux, in which they plan to “crush” the Resistance. Rey escapes her cell, and Kylo Ren throws a fit when he finds out. Two stormtroopers think better of walking down that hallway, and turn around.
Then we transition (rather abruptly, as it is in my timeline at present) to the Resistance base where they are deliberating about Starkiller Base.
The edit goes on as normal from here, launching their attack. SKB destroys the Republic right after Han Solo is killed, and they destroy it afterward. (Though in this scenario, Hux would still tell them to “prepare to fire” during the trench run.)

Well, that’s certainly an interesting proposal. On the plus side, it actually would allow the final product to be less edited from the theatrical, with more material retained. It is a rather elegant idea on paper. My primary concern at this point is whether it can be implemented in a way that looks and sounds pleasing and not jarring. Here are a few clips of the various scene transitions that would need to occur. The worst is the transition from Rey’s escape to the Resistance briefing.

password for both clips: great

First two new scene transitions: into and out from the speech
https://vimeo.com/244674325

Third, most problematic scene transition:
https://vimeo.com/244674630

My stance on revising fan edits.