Originally posted by: Trooperman
Also, I like the general idea of what you're doing with the lake and fireside scenes, but won't the transition between the two be a bit odd? They are outside in one set of clothes and...their conversation continues inside with different attire?
Which is a very good point. It means that on second thought, I won't use a hard cut- I'll use either a fade or a clock-wipe to indicate the passage of time.
Also, I like the general idea of what you're doing with the lake and fireside scenes, but won't the transition between the two be a bit odd? They are outside in one set of clothes and...their conversation continues inside with different attire?
Which is a very good point. It means that on second thought, I won't use a hard cut- I'll use either a fade or a clock-wipe to indicate the passage of time.
I think this link between the balcony and the fireside scene is a great idea. The one definitely leads to the other -- particularly the look from Padme which says she really likes Anakin. I agree with the poster above that the transition you have here will be jarring. Changing from a hard cut to a wipe will kind of hide the problem, but I think there can be a better fix. The problem I see is that once Anakin says he loves Padme she HAS to respond. We want to know what she has to say to that.
What about this: have the Anakin dialogue play right where you suggest, over the balcony scene where Padme gives him that longing look -- then dissolve to the fireside scene right where you suggest except that we see a final moment of Anakin speaking. It's a technique of letting the dialogue from the next scene play over the tail of the preceding scene -- to bring out the subtext. We realize they're thinking things on the balcony that they talk about at the fireside. It's a great technique used all the time and it allows you to have your cake and eat it too -- the dialogue is where you want it, while the audience gets to hear the whole conversation.
If we just wipe to the next scene, I'd feel instinctively that I missed a bunch of great stuff. What did she say on the balcony? What happened between then and now? But linking the scenes with overlapping dialogue will make all the changes of costume and location speak for themselves. They are a counterpoint to the dialogue -- her lips say "no no no," but her actions say "yes yes yes."
By the way, I like the idea of tricking up the German language Jar Jar. I love how thoroughly you're going through this. Keep up the good work.
To clarify: the scenes as I'm suggesting them would play out something like this:
EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT
Padme jabbers away as Anakin listens, in love and gathering the courage to say so. He leans to her. She turns to him.
ANAKIN (V.O.) Padme. I love you. I've loved you since I first saw you all those years ago. I was afraid to tell you before...
She looks longingly at him. They clearly have so much to say...
INT. FIREPLACE ROOM - NIGHT
Anakin sits, talking to Padme, finishing the dialogue we've been hearing.
ANAKIN ...but it's true.
Padme leans back for a moment of indicision, then--
PADME I can't. We can't. Etc.