Also be mindful of the fact that Human brains continue to develop way into the mid-twenties. Your body is still awash with hormones and your mind is being put under lots of different and sometimes contradictory pressures. If you feel suicidal thoughts take these feelings seriously and talk to a clinician. It could be some transient chemical reaction which is easily course corrected with a bit of meditation or maybe a pill or two. You owe it to a potential future you not to get caught off guard at this time of your life. It’s an adventure this living thing, don’t worry about first voyage nerves or the need of a safety net during the exposition heavy early episodes 😃