My previous handle was darth_gollum. I chose this name with a deliberate reference to the darkness and misery of the LOTR character. I was a depressed individual in my late teens, but I also wallowed in my misery. I thought it brought me attention and affection. I just had to show others how lowly my lot was and they would give me my sense of self-worth. I would write depressing poetry and make every effort to draw attention to my pain. When I didn’t get enough love, I would pout and sink further into depression. It took me years to realize that I could actually choose to be happy instead of letting others choose for me.

I share this, not to lecture, but hopefully to show that one’s self-worth does not depend on the generosity of others. I am not the most confident man in the world, but I do recognize that my happiness comes from within. I hope that the sadness and anger in this thread can be overcome when people internalize their locus of control and take responsibility for their own emotional outcomes. There are ways you can get help for those things which are difficult to control, like overwhelming depression, anger, or anxiety. But none of it will do any good until you realize that there is also a power within you. All the efforts of therapy and pep talks and medication will never change your lot unless you change your outlook first.

I hope that someone comes to find some inspiration in this. You can be happy if you want to be.