Originally posted by: Trooperman
Thinking about it in a "big picture" way, I agree that that's a classic formula (boy-meets-girl/boy-loses-girl/boy-gets-girl), and the movie would work much better if they did not kiss until after all that they had gone through together. But I loved that moonlit scene!
It sounds like the moonlit scene is too good to miss -- it has to stay.
Okay, I see what you're saying -- you think this is a scene with bad acting, bad dialogue, and a point that seems pointless. Your suggestion of using dialogue from this scene on the balcony is good, but I want to urge you to try to actually keep this scene. Though I can't defend the dialogue, I want to point out the scene contains some fine acting. Watch it without the sound and it is easy to feel the inner conflicts these actors are trying to convey. With much less dialogue, these performances can carry this scene. But does the scene have a point? You object to them talking about their impossible romance without having even kissed yet -- but I would ask you if kissing has to happen before you know a romance is in the air? As Padme's mother points out -- everyone can see he has feelings for her. She likes him too and they dance around it all the time they're there. Until this scene when Anakin forces the issue. Not with a kiss, but a confession: "I think of you all the time." That's too far and forces Padme to put an end to things. When Hayden says at the end of the scene that he couldn't live a lie, he gives one of his most subtle looks in the movie. It's good stuff if it is cut properly. Furthermore, it sets up the secret nature of their romance that is so important in Episode III. If this scene could be added to your outline, perhaps right after the longing look they share on the moonlit balcony, it will add a lot of focus to this love story.
Again, the way I suggest cutting it goes like this: Anakin and Padme sit silently, neither brave enough to speak.
Anakin breaks the quiet with a single sentence: "From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you."
Padme does not reply.
She looks at him. He looks at her. She looks at him. We move in closer from shot to shot. Will they kiss? What will she say?
Finally she comes to her senses and says "I can't, we can't. It's just not possible..." She stands (action covered by edits).
Anakin cannot reply, he watches as she turns to him, then stands. He has one last chance and says: "You know, [edit] we could keep it a secret."
Padme says "Then we'd be living a lie - one we couldn't keep up
even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you? Could you live like that?"
Silence as the truth settles in for Anakin: it's over.
ANAKIN: "No. You're right."
If nothing else, just try this for fun. Put it in as a deleted scene. I predict that if this version were cut into your outline, then you would feel the difference.
One more suggestion would be regarding music: the music kills this scene as badly as the dialogue. What is that theme? It's mildly discomforting and so low in the mix that it just provides a kind of b.g. noise. I think it's meant to carry their mixed emotions, but I would rather hear a full-blown romantic theme played in a minor way. A great piece to use would be the Han/Leia love-theme from ESB played only on oboe as it is occasionally. This would heighten the parrallel between these these two movies and provide more connections. I think if the right (meaning the least recognizable) pieces of that ESB theme were used here, it would give a lot of punch to this romance-- like hearing the Death Star battle themes over the podrace in Magfan's "Balance" edit.
Ha ha! I take it back- your lack of faith is disturbing! (just kidding). Yes, once done, I plan either to put the names of the people who have contributed to this project in the credits, or to credit everyone at the end of the audio commentary
Thinking about it in a "big picture" way, I agree that that's a classic formula (boy-meets-girl/boy-loses-girl/boy-gets-girl), and the movie would work much better if they did not kiss until after all that they had gone through together. But I loved that moonlit scene!
It sounds like the moonlit scene is too good to miss -- it has to stay.
Before that, I will give in on the bedroom scene and the scene in the kitchen, when Padme looks out at Anakin through the window. How does that sound? Does it seem like it would flow better? We don't have the fireplace scene with bad dialogue and acting, we don't have a kiss until Geonosis, and we have more intimacy between the two of them.
Please give me your honest opinion!
Let me get this straight: The lovers arrive on Naboo, walking and talking pleasantly. They arrive at her house and go through her bedroom photos. Then they sit down to dinner with her parents and, in the kitchen, everyone can see Anakin loves her. They picnic in a field. They talk on the moonlit balcony and then Anakin wakes up in the morning to the sounds of his mother's screaming and determines he must save her.
That could be good. Real good. I love the longing look Padme gives him on the balcony before they kiss. Without the kiss, that look becomes very longing indeed.
But in my opinion, the most romantic version of this story thread has to include the intimacy of Anakin revealing himself to her and being rebuffed -- getting the heave-ho -- receiving his walking papers. That happens in the fireplace scene. I want to say more about that...
What I didn't like about the fireplace scene was not only its corniness and awful acting, but the fact that they're talking all about this romance that isn't possible, and then go into reasons why it isn't possible, but all without so much as a kiss between them. How does this sound- I'll delete the fireplace scene and keep the moonlit balcony scene- only Anakin will not kiss Padme. He'll look at her romantically and lean in, but Padme will turn away and say, "No...I can't do this." or "It's not possible" or some other dialogue from the fireplace scene.
Please give me your honest opinion!
Let me get this straight: The lovers arrive on Naboo, walking and talking pleasantly. They arrive at her house and go through her bedroom photos. Then they sit down to dinner with her parents and, in the kitchen, everyone can see Anakin loves her. They picnic in a field. They talk on the moonlit balcony and then Anakin wakes up in the morning to the sounds of his mother's screaming and determines he must save her.
That could be good. Real good. I love the longing look Padme gives him on the balcony before they kiss. Without the kiss, that look becomes very longing indeed.
But in my opinion, the most romantic version of this story thread has to include the intimacy of Anakin revealing himself to her and being rebuffed -- getting the heave-ho -- receiving his walking papers. That happens in the fireplace scene. I want to say more about that...
What I didn't like about the fireplace scene was not only its corniness and awful acting, but the fact that they're talking all about this romance that isn't possible, and then go into reasons why it isn't possible, but all without so much as a kiss between them. How does this sound- I'll delete the fireplace scene and keep the moonlit balcony scene- only Anakin will not kiss Padme. He'll look at her romantically and lean in, but Padme will turn away and say, "No...I can't do this." or "It's not possible" or some other dialogue from the fireplace scene.
Okay, I see what you're saying -- you think this is a scene with bad acting, bad dialogue, and a point that seems pointless. Your suggestion of using dialogue from this scene on the balcony is good, but I want to urge you to try to actually keep this scene. Though I can't defend the dialogue, I want to point out the scene contains some fine acting. Watch it without the sound and it is easy to feel the inner conflicts these actors are trying to convey. With much less dialogue, these performances can carry this scene. But does the scene have a point? You object to them talking about their impossible romance without having even kissed yet -- but I would ask you if kissing has to happen before you know a romance is in the air? As Padme's mother points out -- everyone can see he has feelings for her. She likes him too and they dance around it all the time they're there. Until this scene when Anakin forces the issue. Not with a kiss, but a confession: "I think of you all the time." That's too far and forces Padme to put an end to things. When Hayden says at the end of the scene that he couldn't live a lie, he gives one of his most subtle looks in the movie. It's good stuff if it is cut properly. Furthermore, it sets up the secret nature of their romance that is so important in Episode III. If this scene could be added to your outline, perhaps right after the longing look they share on the moonlit balcony, it will add a lot of focus to this love story.
Again, the way I suggest cutting it goes like this: Anakin and Padme sit silently, neither brave enough to speak.
Anakin breaks the quiet with a single sentence: "From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you."
Padme does not reply.
She looks at him. He looks at her. She looks at him. We move in closer from shot to shot. Will they kiss? What will she say?
Finally she comes to her senses and says "I can't, we can't. It's just not possible..." She stands (action covered by edits).
Anakin cannot reply, he watches as she turns to him, then stands. He has one last chance and says: "You know, [edit] we could keep it a secret."
Padme says "Then we'd be living a lie - one we couldn't keep up
even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you? Could you live like that?"
Silence as the truth settles in for Anakin: it's over.
ANAKIN: "No. You're right."
If nothing else, just try this for fun. Put it in as a deleted scene. I predict that if this version were cut into your outline, then you would feel the difference.
One more suggestion would be regarding music: the music kills this scene as badly as the dialogue. What is that theme? It's mildly discomforting and so low in the mix that it just provides a kind of b.g. noise. I think it's meant to carry their mixed emotions, but I would rather hear a full-blown romantic theme played in a minor way. A great piece to use would be the Han/Leia love-theme from ESB played only on oboe as it is occasionally. This would heighten the parrallel between these these two movies and provide more connections. I think if the right (meaning the least recognizable) pieces of that ESB theme were used here, it would give a lot of punch to this romance-- like hearing the Death Star battle themes over the podrace in Magfan's "Balance" edit.
Ha ha! I take it back- your lack of faith is disturbing! (just kidding). Yes, once done, I plan either to put the names of the people who have contributed to this project in the credits, or to credit everyone at the end of the audio commentary
[blushing] If you insist -- no I insist! I wanna be in the credits! That would be too cool for school -- so again, forget my notes and just know how much of a god I think you are.
[waves hand] credits will be fine. Thanks, Trooperman!