It is a thrill to hear you like my suggestions at all. I can't wait to see this thing. The whole concept of aging this thing is a brilliant take.
Seeing your responses to my last post prompted a few of my own, if I may...
Trooperman: I definitely agree about the bickering. Although I am a bit partial to the "Well, you know, Master; I couldn't find the speeder I really liked." All dialogue after that will definitely be cut, but I still don't know about the aforementioned line.
I agree it's not a bad line if it can be kept to just that much speaking. It's kind of witty and fun and shows Anakin is having a good time. Taking it out, on the other hand, makes him serious -- which is where I was going with it. I think a humorless Anakin will come off better when he has romance scenes later. It creates a kind of arc in which he melts around Padme - but is troubled and serious until then.
Trooperman: [cutting the last Anakin line to Zam] Easy enough. But why? (just curious)
I think Hayden has a great mean glare, but it isn't used well in the movie. It should have been saved for one or two key moments. Revealing it here over Zam is supposed to indicate the depth of his desire to protect Padme -- but it doesn't strike the right note for some reason. It comes off almost comical. It's an empty threat. I would remove the harsh line-reading here to preserve Hayden's "angry face" for later reveals. Taking it out also makes Anakin more smart and self-controlled here. I think we need to take advantage of every opportunity to make Anakin smart and self-controlled so that we feel he's earned the right to "snap" and go get his mom.
Trooperman: The only problem I can see with that is the fact that we don't know that Padme is leaving Jar-Jar behind with her responsibilities. I wa toying with shortening and re-editing this scene.
That's a good point. In that light, I would try keeping the opening lines where Padme talks to Jar Jar. Then cut out of the scene before she talks to Anakin. Even her first lines "I do not like this idea of hiding..." are off the mark somehow. Maybe Jar Jar can cover that idea with lines to the effect of "I know how much you want to stay. I wish Palpatine could see how brave you are and how much this vote means to you." (Not great, but that's the idea)
Trooperman: Anakin/Padme romance scenes: I have made detailed plans as far as this goes. Here's what I've planned so far:
-Anakin/Padme talk on the way out of ship.
-Dinner scene. Edited so that scene ends with, "Yes. I'm afraid she is."
- Grassy picnic scene has been completely reworked. Starts with short montage of mountains while full-blown love theme plays (a la beginning of "Sound of Music". Fade to them rolling around on grass. Then, hard cut to heavily edited picnic scene. Boyfriend chat is removed. Scene ends with Anakin saying, "Well...if it works..." Clockwipe so as to reveal his smile at the last minute, similar to many of the Palpatine scenes.
-Heavily, radically edited version of the "first kiss" scene is in the edit. First of all, it's now a moonlit scene; not daytime. Secondly, Anakin isn't talking about sand; he's telling Padme, "I love you." It made more sense to have the kiss as the culmination of everything that had come before it.
See page 2 of this thread for screenshots of the rough cut.
I see what you're suggesting here -- it seems like a streamlined version of the romance. As I imagine this outline I only have one problem: I don't see enough romance. The dinner scene is not intimate and without the kitchen scene, there's no hint that Padme likes Anakin. Seeing people in a beautiful setting (in the grass) can be romantic, but needs to be supported by actual scenes of intimacy. I don't like the "Well... if it works" dialogue because I believe Padme being a politician would be heavily turned off by such a fascist-leaning speech. I can only guess how much work went into turning the "first kiss" scene to moonlight with new dialogue. I have to urge you to cut the kiss in favor of letting their kiss on Geonosis be their first. Their romance at this point has had no intimacy and no chemistry. A kiss here pre-empts all the intimacy that can come from seeing Anakin's mother die, seeing him fight to save her in the droid factory, and finally facing death together. I strongly urge you to use this time on Naboo to lay intimacy groundwork with the scene in Padme's bedroom, the kitchen, and at the fireside where Anakin and Padme resist each other. With these scenes the arc of boy-meets-girl/boy-loses-girl/boy-gets-girl will be in place.
I know you're the boss and I hope I'm speaking objectively with these suggestions. I want your cut to succeed as the most dramatic and romantic edit possible, so that's the angle I'm coming from.
Thank you -- for doing all the work! I'm thrilled to be able to bounce any ideas your way as you do this because I strongly believe a good movie is hiding in this footage somewhere. Credit? For me? I can't believe it! Tell me more! (I hope I'm not booted out for disputing your ideas -- I was only kidding! Rats.)