Transformers - The Last Knight (2017)

I did not go willingly into The Last Knight. The promise of a “nice burger” beforehand, a “bit of a laugh” in the cinema and the gentle suggestion of some “adult situations” arising when we got home ultimately meant I was powerless but to comply. Sadly, I was disappointed on all but one count.

We’ve all been here before - too long, not as funny as it thinks it is, offensively edited etc. I went in with the lowest of expectations and just about enjoyed it. I didn’t get half as bored as I did during the last one and the visual effects are absolutely jaw-droppingly good. The changing aspect ratio was annoying though - why don’t they make it expand widthways instead of jumping up and down?!

The plot is a load of bobbins and for anybody not from the U.K. let me tell you that, Sir Anthony Hopkins or not, you will likely be shot, tazed or beaten if you just walk up to 10, Downing Street’s front door and demand to be let in. Oh, and Stonehenge might be in the countryside but it’s next to a big road.

The highlight for me was “Little J-Lo”, a cracking actress who I think ought to have had more screen time… actually, do you know who really should’ve had more screen time? The bloody Transformers! Considering the name of the film it felt like they were barely in it.

Still, the burger was nice.

I give it 1.75 thisaintthelastnuthin’s out of 5.