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Admit it now, get it over with, move on to pretty happy things like puppies and porn and sunshine.
Puppies.....ans sunshine? The need to get laid, I sense in you...
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Begone, Star Wars ubergeeks...Never has a culture wished so deeply for a group of people to get deep into online porn and pop more Ritalin and stay the hell home.
That's twice he's mentioned porn.....is he trying to tell us something about himself. It's okay dude....watching lesbians insert multiple objects in multiple orifices is perfectly okay....no need to feel guilty about it and take it out on the geeks...
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Fabulous actors so completely drained of nuance and character you are left wishing Obi Wan would shoot heroin and dive into a toilet and have a deformed religious experience, and that Neeson might veer off and start asking Princess Amidala what her favorite sexual position is and how many orgasms she has in a month and what she really thinks about when she sees Vader's throbbing red lightsaber.
Actually....that sounds like a great fan film idea....
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Harrison Ford carried the first three movies, period. Carrie Fisher was amusing enough, the droids were cute and infinitely annoying, James Earl Jones' Vader voice work was nearly a character unto itself.
Right, right, wrong, right.....the person who wrote this is infinitely more annoying than those droids....at least the droids serve a purpose...
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Despite all those blogs and articles insisting SW is some sort of modern iteration of "Crime and Punishment" crossed with "Dr. Spock's Guide to Parenting," there is little of true intellectual substance to speak of in any of the SW flicks, and say what you will about old-time '60s radical Lucas' commendable desire to criticize current rabid right-wing ideology via his simple good/evil allegories, the overarching plot of SW is so basic and the execution so orthodox, you might as well be watching "The Bad News Bears," stoned. It's true.
Watching a movie about a bunch of kids playing baseball while stoned......hmmmm......can't you think of a better movie to watch while stoned....no sense wasting some good reefer on that movie....
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Ten years of crappy CGI and 10 years of lumpy stiff acting and 28 years of waiting and you watch "Sith" where only the last 30 minutes really finds any sort of cinematic footing, and after all that screaming and all the cheeseball animation and all the slaughtered Jedis and the stilted, lifeless dialogue and heavy Vader wheezing and Yoda's irritating speech impediment, where do we finally end up at the end of Episode III? That's right: 1977. And who the hell wants to be back there?
I would like to be back in 1977....I can relive the whole thing and be twice as annoying...just to piss this guy off.
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The "Star Wars" films, each and every one of them and it feels like there are about 127 of them now, they remain, always and forever, movies for anxious, easily stupefied 10-ear-old boys.
Well...this stupified 10 year old has got one thing to say to you, Mr. Morford....FUCK YOU!!!!
