I’m getting anxious by the day as my move out date approaches. About a month ago, I finally had a realization that I’ve been emotionally abused and used all these years by my dad but refused for the longest time that my mental hang ups/depression were the result of him; I blamed myself for my short comings, believing I was inherently broken for some odd reason. For 3 years, I’ve been financially drained of my income, become socially isolated, dependent on him or someone else for driving me to places (he never taught me), and always fail to succeed in anything since the smallest mistakes somehow warrant ridicule and lecturing rather than a positive one that fosters growth to learn mistakes. His way or the highway. Lost my own identify.

So yeah, my sleep patterns have always been bad, but it’s more of a struggle now knowing I’m taking such a nerve wracking step for myself to sever this co-dependent relationship my dad constructed, with the sale pitch, “it’s for the family, and you love your family, don’t you?”

Fuck.