I’ll lead with my most important advice to both coffee and rush: please don’t be ashamed to seek professional help. If you’re really feeling down on yourself, than talking to someone can really go a long way to stopping that. You two are both good guys and neither of you should have to go through this right now. Trust me that seeking help from someone who’s trained to do so will be the absolute best place to go for emotional support.
Now I’ll move on to my own dumb pieces of advice (my mom’s a therapist so I like to think some of it rubbed off on me but I know that’s bullshit).
To coffee: please understand there is nothing wrong with who you are. I’m truly sorry that you’re in a situation where you’re compelled to feel that way, but know it’s not right. If your parents love you, understand that they love you for who you are, even if they may not realize it. I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable telling them about yourself right now, but the time will come when you’re ready. For now, don’t worry, be yourself. There is nothing wrong with liking a girl if you like boys too. You’re not lying to the girl or yourself. If you like a girl, you like a girl! Nothing wrong with that. If you like boys too, nothing wrong with that at all either. Perfectly normal. You must realize that if God created you and so many others like you, it must be okay. The fundamentalist extreme views on God don’t add up. You are who you are, and I know that can be scary right now, but don’t forget you’re still growing up. You’re still figuring out who you are. You have a long road ahead of you and have no reason to think any problems you face now will last forever. Things really do get better.
To rush: I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. But like coffee, understand that you have many years and experiences ahead of you. Right now, I get it, it’s tough. In high school it seems like you’re grown up and you should already start acting like it. But that’s not true, not really. You still have a lot of time. When I was in high school had a fair amount of female friends that I could have gone out with, but I could never bring myself to do it, just because I never really thought that we’d make great couples and I didn’t want to mess up any friendships. So this meant I spent most of high school without a girlfriend (while my male friends seemed to have a new one every few months), and at times I felt the same way you did. I was only ever in one relationship during high school, and then one after with a girl from my high school, and neither really worked out. The thing I realized though, was that I actually did do the right thing (well the right thing for me, anyway). Focusing on my friendships in high school rather than my relationships made my time there a lot more fulfilling, and most of those friendships are still alive and well now, years later. Because the truth is, in reality the dating pool at my school (and in my other circles at that age) was pretty small, so whether or not I was going to find someone right for me wasn’t guaranteed. When I went off to college, things were much different.
The important thing to remember is that there’s a whole wide world out there, filled with a lot of different people that you’ll meet. Whether it’s romantic partners or people with different views and perspectives on religion or sexuality or what have you, you’ll find there is a place and people for you out there. Your world and your life may seem big and important now, but realize it’s all just a stop along the way. So, in conclusion, things will get better, and seek professional help if things get worse (because you shouldn’t have to deal with that).