Somehow I missed this. I think it mostly works (providing the audio transitions are smoothed up). As much as I really love that Finalizer shot, I don’t think it really makes sense for Kylo to be there. I do kind of like the snow mountain shot in between though.
Neverar mentioned this earlier. I definitely think using the mountain est. shot for both scenes would work the best, and just cut the Finalizer shot. My only concern would be that Vader’s helmet will now be on Starkiller Base rather than the Finalizer, so we could possibly create a continuity error if Vader’s helmet appears in The Last Jedi. But apparently all of the main villains had time to escape Starkiller’s destruction, so I guess you could just hand-wave it and say they just grabbed it before they left.