Christ, fighting this stuff is physically exhausting. I feel like I’ve run a mile every work shift. I’m six days away from the psychiatrist after the previous foul-up. Frankly, unless he can can tell me that God exists or erase my memories of all the Matt Dillahunty hate-theists videos which have become my nasty obsession and cycling thoughts, I’m not sure if there’s any point. I’m sick of pills and shrinks. Why can I talk to you guys more comfortably than I can to actual people? I’m just exhausted, physically, spiritually, mentally, and every other fucking way. God, I feel broken. And I’m so fucking selfish as a result of this. And I’m scared to death about my grandfather. And I have half a shift to go.

Sorry for bitching, just wanted to vent. I just want to enjoy ANYTHING again. Life’s too short for this shit. I don’t want to think about Matt Dillahunty anymore. Or ever again. ENOUGH. FUCKING HELL. Sorry. Just wanted to get some of this out. I hope to God the drugs will help somewhat. I’m so broken.